placidwolf27 said:A job opportunity landed in my lap recently—right in my field of expertise—and my immediate, gut instinct was to shut it down before it even started.
Fast forward a couple of days... I ended up asking for their contact info, reached out, and let myself get sucked into those preliminary stages. Now? I am in a complete mess. If I had just stuck to my guns and said "no" when I knew deep down it was the right call, everything would be fine. But instead, I’m facing this reality where I have to back out now, and I’ll be carrying the weight of that indecision for as long as I live. It becomes one more thing I can’t forgive myself for—just another psychological anchor dragging me down whenever I spiral into self-destruction or resentment. It's just one more excuse to feel inadequate, one more reason to instinctively reject the next opportunity the moment it appears...
But the truth is, I actually need the work, which is exactly why I let myself stumble into this whole disaster in the first place.
What was driving that initial urge to turn it down?
David Ross3 said:Honestly, some of this stuff actually scares me 😬 But I totally get where you're coming from.
What I was trying to say is that this feels like a much deeper issue than just—you know—having someone else pay your bills so you feel like you can just quit. But you already hit the nail on the head yourself... When I was talking to a psychotherapist here in San Diego (she was running a seminar once)—Vesna Gračner, most of you probably know her... she explained that giving up on life (and all those attempts to actually fight for something) goes way deeper than people realize. It isn't some surface-level thing where you're just lazy and decide to throw in the towel. Your comment about being "scared of certain situations" makes me think there's something more significant going on. Honestly? Go talk to a psychologist. That's my advice.
Brandon Mitchell said:Napokoon, this is actually a decent topic for once, but honestly, everyone here is such a total hack that nobody’s willing to contribute anything worthwhile. This is officially the last time I’m bothering to post a thread like this on this forum...
Look, next time, try having a little more caution before you dive in headfirst. If you already know it's going to wreck you, why not take a second to actually assess the situation first?
Jesse Watson37 said:So, I’m currently halfway through Joan Didion's "Accused." The book focuses heavily on abuse, but it also dives deep into those toxic, obsessive dynamics between men and women. Since I went through my own phase of being way too possessive about a year and a half ago, I’ve been wondering: what actually drives people to show their darker side? Why is it so hard to let go? Why do we cling to impossible situations when walking away is clearly the better move? What is that impulse? In the novel, even after her ex-husband and current on-again, off-again boyfriend basically throw her aside, she still ends up crawling back and humiliating herself. Why do we get so possessive?
You need to go talk to an actual professional, not just some random person on Reddit, if you want someone to convince you that you're "normal" or give you real advice on what's actually going on...
Walter Vaughn said:Mickey is an absolute icon and a total institution, and honestly, I think he’s probably the reason one of the biggest mistakes in history happened when he didn't even get a single freaking nomination for Randy 'The RAM' Robinson... because in my opinion, he didn't just deserve an Oscar, he completely swept the floor with everyone else that year.
Thanks, everyone 👍 I know you’re right—when you’re actually at peace and feeling Zen, this stuff doesn't hit as hard. But when someone dumps five days' worth of work on your desk in a single day, and you're grinding away, hyper-focused, only to see them gearing up to "tear someone else apart," it’s impossible to stay calm. To make matters worse, the very next second after a blow-up, he’ll pivot to being perfectly polite, saying things like, "You did a great job there..." or "Can you help me with something?" It’s baffling to any sane person, let alone someone dealing with borderline issues like me...
....Based on his reputation, he’s known far and wide for this. My only small comfort is that he hasn't isolated me specifically; he does this to everyone who refuses to kiss his ass... I get the feeling he’s like one of those guys who hits his wife and then spends the rest of the night wailing and crying about it. That's just how his impulse control works—completely contradictory behavior...
....A few times I managed to stay calm—you know, standing my ground with some dignity—only for him to give me the cold shoulder for the next five days. He even forbade my other colleagues from helping me, leaving me sitting at my desk like a total amateur, staring into space with nothing to do....I think, in his own fragile ego, he might actually be intimidated by me. He can't "read" me, and since I refuse to suck up to him, he doesn't know what to do... even though my own personality isn't exactly bulletproof...
..All in all, thanks. I know your responses came from the heart😍...this definitely isn't an isolated incident (I’ve likely survived similar types before). Now, after a couple of years on the job, I'm no longer a rookie, yet he still loves attacking me and everyone else... You’d think as people get older, they’d lose their edge, but he’s sharper and more aggressive than ever....
How do you deal with someone who has zero impulse control? It’s my boss. I get the feeling he’s just sitting there, waiting for an excuse to attack someone—and it’s not just me, though I definitely catch more heat than most. He blows up over the smallest things and loses his mind instantly. You know the type, like one of those old-school, toxic managers you see at a big corporation like >... but with this guy, it feels like more than just a bad attitude; it feels like a genuine disorder. Avoiding him hasn't worked (I've tried hiding behind my coworkers), and trying to confront him calmly didn't work either (I tried being respectful when discussing someone else's mistake, yet he still tore me to shreds with insults). Is there actually any other option here besides just putting up with his bullshit?
I'm convinced it’s just pure stress. Honestly, you should try to just "shut off" your brain for a second and let it happen. Your body basically develops muscle memory for these things, so it'll eventually take over on autopilot. That’s exactly what I do when I blank on my own passwords or a coworker's phone number...👍
Jerry Ramos90 said:Yeah, true. It’s probably just a desperate need to control how everyone else thinks. And then when things don't go according to script, or when people aren't falling all over them for being so "nice," they just lose it because their little manipulation tactic failed.
Exactly. It's true... there are likely some serious personality disorders at play here.😉
Steven Smith16 said:Well, this is a great topic. I struggle with this constantly!! 😁
Basically, I’m far too helpful and accommodating. I tend to feel bad when I see someone struggling with something that I know I could handle much more easily, so I often just take over. Or if someone lacks a ride and I have my car ready to go, I figure, why not give them a lift? The issue arises once people get used to it. You offer them a finger, and they demand the whole hand. I usually tolerate it for a while, thinking maybe things will improve. They rarely do. Eventually, I just snap, tell them exactly how pathetic they're being, and cut them off.
Most people seem to be this way. Then there are the people I've known for a long time—those I try not to be overly helpful toward, or those I don't know well enough to bother with—who look at me like something is clearly wrong with my head because I occasionally lose it on people. I'll drive a friend somewhere and then end up snapping at them; imagine that. God help me. I honestly can't tell who the crazy one is here.
The other day, I was getting off a subway train and there was an inspector on board. A girl stepped on, and I stood next to her for just a second and whispered that the inspector was there, AND SHE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS TRASH. As if I had any right to assume she didn't have a pass or wasn't a decent citizen of Washington, D.C.
And whenever I mention that I despise society and people, I'm labeled as conceited. It's probably because people find themselves described in my posts.
Yeah, maybe you're actually bothered by your own habit of being too helpful. You probably snapped at the girl you were driving because you didn't actually want to offer that kind of favor, but you've been conditioned to always be "useful." Maybe you're subconsciously chasing validation or approval from others through these favors (though everyone usually knows what's actually driving them deep down).
..your motivation clearly wasn't aligned with what you actually wanted in that moment, otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to pick a fight with her... plus, in today's world where everyone is basically out for themselves, it's become weird when someone offers you a ride or tries to start a conversation on a bus... people have become so isolated that a stranger trying to talk to you feels suspicious (like, what does she want from me???!!)... anyway, great topic!👍
Henry Lopez13 said:So, would it have been any better if he hadn't answered the psychiatrist's call to come over after hours?
It’s possible. She might have had an easier time deciding his friend was struggling if there wasn't anyone around to back up his claim that he was doing fine. But hey, no use crying over spilled milk...
I don't think this is going to end well. Not only did she dodge all responsibility, but wasn't she actually trained to assess someone's condition? It shouldn't be on you (those psychiatrists🙄) to make the call, yet she's shoved you into a position where YOU have to decide for him... . ....And honestly, if you had given the worst-case scenario, would they even hospitalize him? You aren't family, so who knows what kind of weight your word actually carries. Plus, after everything, she could just easily say, "Look, I can't force you guys to take his meds," and then your friend ends up turning against you...
..If you ask me, talk to someone in his circle—someone you think might actually listen, even if everyone else is acting indifferent like you said—lay out the situation, and then get out of the way. I wouldn't recommend trying to play therapist yourself; it'll just drag both of you straight down to the bottom...
Kyle Alvarez32 said:I reached out to a counselor at Catholic Charities about four months ago, but he kept trying to push me toward becoming a missionary. That’s just not my thing; I just want a normal life and to find a girlfriend.
Does anyone know how long the wait usually is for a hospital psychologist referral? Also, is there any free mental health support available that isn't tied to religion?
Go see your primary care doctor to get a referral for a psychologist at the hospital. You might even be able to talk things out with your GP first. Look, you're 18—parents are always going to be parents, but you need to start living your own life. What school did you graduate from? Do you have any leads on a job?
If you think a BPD forum is going to be some kind of magic fix, you’re mistaken. It won't help much... you actually have to put in the work on yourself (even if you aren't currently doing that).