Posts by Donna Doyle2

Hi there,

A cloned user just couldn't help themselves and started harassing people on other threads regarding the PDF:

Can you believe this? They are actually stalking me through different topics by quoting posts from closed threads just so they can keep up the heavy insults—stuff that makes absolutely zero sense and is completely off-topic!

Is there any way you could step up the sanctions for this kind of behavior?

On top of all that, it's the same individual who was posting on Hazel saying it was perfectly fine for others to earn money through HIV, which is exactly why they got partially banned.

Honestly, I could probably find a way to justify why you're acting this way, so don't even worry about it!

But look, if I were to ask what someone actually did to make you lash out like that—suggesting they need medical help and all that—I just don't think that gives anyone a pass to take it so personally, you know? Don't you think?

It really feels like you’re starting to hold a grudge against me too, almost like one of those creepy FBI informants who spend all their time dissecting other users' posts just to dig up dirt! Is it possible that when you don't vibe with how someone "carries" themselves, you just feel the need to shut them down? Because at the end of the day, there will always be people you just won't click with, even if they haven't done a single thing wrong to you. To me, it just seems wrong to insult someone or try to drag their reputation through the mud with irrelevant jabs just because you feel like you don't fit in with them or because you're trying to act superior, right? I mean, I have no idea if that's actually what's going on, but it's just my honest guess!

Google said:
He only filed a complaint because one female user called him out on the nonsense he was spewing. It’s nothing but pure spite and vindictiveness, especially since he was the one who started the whole thing with those provocations, basically steering the entire conversation toward a disaster just so he could try to bait her into getting banned, right?

Anyway, I’ve said my piece, so I’ll just leave it to the higher-ups now.

Oh, come on, isn't it totally normal that anyone would hit that report button or start a new thread if they aren't getting a response to their report—especially when they're being personally insulted? I really don't get why that's being labeled as "spiteful" or "manipulative," especially considering she actually admitted herself that she has half the people in this thread on ignore because she picked fights with everyone and called them all "intellectually stunted!"

Rachel Richardson didn't even show up to the thread after that, so were all the other people she insulted also considered "spiteful" or "vindictive" for provoking such a poor soul?

Look, even if you want to argue that they were, just look at me! In that specific thread (and even in others after I put her on ignore), I haven't replied to a single one of her posts or even mentioned her; I just kept talking to everyone else and completely ignored her and all her little jabs.

But now, just look at how many times she brings me up, mocks me, or tries to make me look bad in her own posts—I saw things like calling me a "fake saint" or saying I'm acting a certain way because I'm not replying to every single person who posted an ad—even though I never claimed to be a saint, far from it, and besides, why on earth would I bother responding to people I'm not even interested in? But why should I have to explain myself to *her*? On average, every second post she makes in that thread about why she can't find love is about me! And that's just in that one thread; she does it even more in others!

So am I the one being spiteful or trying to provoke her now? (Keep in mind, she was on total ignore for me! I didn't address her or even indirectly comment on anything she did).

To me, it honestly feels like you're just sitting there waiting for a chance to get back at Rachel Richardson and were just looking for any excuse to jump on him, because I never once saw him act petty or vindictive, whereas the girl really went way too far (not just with him) and it's only natural that someone would start a thread about it.

Matthew Anderson said:The user received a warning from me because that post was exactly what she deserved. The real issue here in the US, just like at NASA, is that a small group of you keeps flipping the entire topic 180 degrees into mindless chatting and a trollfest. I don't think you're stupid, but it's obvious to me that you're doing this just to trigger reactions from the other side and force them into getting banned when they eventually snap at you. That is, by definition, pure trolling. In fact, you openly admitted on that same thread that you were trolling. Therefore, if anyone deserves to be hit with warnings and partial bans, it's you guys for creating the problem, not the users who are just fed up with your posts.

Has anyone else noticed what Google pointed out? It’s funny how everyone stays perfectly silent whenever someone starts jumping all over people or trolling with those nasty, misogynistic comments, yet suddenly there isn't a single report to be found until someone finally snaps and fires back at them!

I honestly feel like it’s finally high time we brought back some much-needed, rigorous moderation, don't you think? Wouldn't it be just wonderful if we could nip all that constant chatting and trolling right in the bud from the very beginning, ensuring things stay on track from here on out?

So, just a heads-up that things aren't going to be getting any more relaxed around here when it comes to moderation! Who would even want a free-for-all like that, right?

Phiber, you’re such a sharp person and you've been around this forum way longer than I have, so I really trust your ability to read people! But honestly, don't you think that chatting wasn't actually meant to stir the pot or get anyone to buy into the drama? Is it really that crazy to think that in a thread about meeting someone new, if somebody mentions they're traveling, it wouldn't be totally natural for someone to jump in and ask, "Hey, where all have you traveled?" even if it's slightly off-topic? I truly don't believe there was any bad intent behind it at all! When this user started getting insulting, Wikipedia was just responding to her directly, so he definitely wasn't just chatting to provoke her, right?

Honestly, I don't think any of those folks were being foolish, and they certainly weren't acting out of malice! On the contrary, everything was done with the very best intentions in mind, and don't you just feel certain that this can all be smoothed over quite easily?

silvertiger11 said:Look, I don't have anything against you personally! [tinfoilhat]Honestly, I feel like both of us—and everyone else on this board—are just equal victims caught in some twisted social experiment. I bet those people in the moderator lounge are absolutely dying of laughter watching how they mess with our heads.[/tinfoilhat]

I'm just sitting here at home with nothing to do, constantly glued to this forum. Even when I'm out and about, I find myself checking Tapatalk every five minutes! I end up commenting on every single bit of nonsense and reading through the same recycled threads for the hundredth time. If anyone asked, I’d probably admit it: I'm addicted. And yet, somehow, you manage to churn out more posts in 48 hours than I can in two whole weeks! No matter what time of day I log on or which thread I click, I always have to wade through pages upon pages of your and Pantera's ridiculous nonsense first. I tried putting you guys on ignore a while back, but honestly, my thumb just gets too tired from all the scrolling!

You two are absolute legends, really. What kind of force drives a person to be active 24/7? What kind of untapped reservoir of boredom are you hiding inside? Seriously, if the CIA or even Zuckerberg over at Facebook ever catches wind of you, you are totally doomed! They'll hook you up to machines and force you to generate random letter combinations for encryption protocols. Those Chinese hackers will be filling up suicide prevention hotlines like crazy once they hit the brick wall of your endless verbal garbage.

I truly think you need some help. I don't know what's going on with you, and frankly, I don't care, but I really believe that stepping away from this forum would be a great first step toward finally taking control of your own life again. My thoughts and prayers are with you for a speedy recovery! Now, I'm putting you right back on ignore. Good luck!

I'm sorry, you seem like a decent enough user, but I just don't get the motivation behind these posts; it honestly feels like pure malice.

There is a huge difference between telling someone to chill out because they're spamming without saying anything useful, and then waiting until you've put them on ignore to act like that, versus actually mocking and insulting someone whom you know didn't have any bad intentions toward you in the first place.

I really don't get it, but it doesn't leave a good impression—it looks like a little bit of jealousy or holding a grudge from something old and just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce! If that isn't it, then I am truly stumped.

Look, I’ve clearly stated my position without judging anyone, so if you can't wrap your head around what I actually said because your own political biases are clouding your judgment, that shouldn't be grounds for sanctioning me! I have never been one to just follow the herd like some mindless sheep, and I honestly enjoy playing devil's advocate sometimes—if I see everyone piling on one side, don't be surprised if I step in to defend the underdog, right?

On another note, I was just scrolling through some old posts from a former moderator and, oh my god... 🤦 she actually thinks she’s this shining example of leadership who can guide lost souls back to the light, as if reading her posts is going to lead us all toward righteousness!

Honestly, I just love how my colleague calls me 🤣
.
Is it even fair for me to complain if some random user becomes totally obsessed with me, constantly tagging me in completely different threads and making everything about me instead of the actual topic, even after I told her I wasn't going to engage with her nonsense and would just ignore her?

I don't know about that, Nemo, because I really feel like Wikipedia knows how to step away from the main topics when needed, yet they always make such an effort to be kind to everyone, right? Even in all those side threads, they never resort to insults or attacking people, even when they totally disagree with someone or find them a bit much—they just stay respectful!

Honestly, they were targeted here with some seriously unhinged behavior, where this one user would jump into completely unrelated threads just to claim she’d been digging through their old posts to build these wild, delusional narratives—like saying she "understood" their situation or felt sorry for them—even though they hadn't even mentioned them or been rude to her! After dealing with all that craziness, they only responded with incredibly mild replies compared to the stuff those two women were throwing out there.

You can call it provocation if you want, but isn't it obvious that Wiki is just a well-meaning, peace-loving member of this community who would never go out of their way to start drama or insult anyone? On the contrary, even those off-topic posts they write are meant to help foster a positive vibe where everyone feels welcome, so don't you think it's pretty clear where the real issue actually lies?

Jason Brown5 said:That’s definitely a major violation, but you really shouldn't have retaliated instead of just filing a report:

So, let me get this straight—he isn't going to get banned for a serious rule break just because I called out his lies? (Though I did admit later that I probably shouldn't have even engaged, because honestly, why bother?)

If a rule is broken, it's broken, right? It shouldn't matter what someone does afterward! If we're being totally fair, then go ahead and ban me too if I broke the exact same rule in the same way, but please, can we just get some actual moderation here?

Does nobody else see that this guy is straight-up harassing me?

I come to this forum to relax and hang out with everyone, so why am I being targeted by someone who just won't leave me alone? Is this place supposed to be a fun escape or just another source of stress and discomfort?

What's the specific policy for dealing with stalking, because I'd love to file a report for that too!

EDIT: actually, fine, if you guys aren't going to do anything besides giving warnings, then I guess I'll just start treating him the exact same way! 🙂

I really feel like I should report this user for what they did—and honestly, since they dropped a bunch of lies along the way too, I’m wondering if there’s even a specific rule for that kind of behavior!

Here is the post in question:

Laura Castillo6 said:I’ve always felt that when it comes to dating women, you really need to just go for it with total honesty. Just ask the direct question: "Are we doing this or not?" Be yourself, don't hold back, and if you're feeling sexual, own that energy.

By being that upfront, you pretty much filter out all the manipulators, the ones constantly running mental math, the overly structured types, the overly guarded ones, or those who are already too busy for anything real.

Once you clear all that out, you're left with women who are free-spirited and open. And for a man who isn't trying to live by someone else's rulebook, that’s pretty much the sweet spot.

But I really have to wonder, what kind of women would actually be left standing after a move like that? Maybe just some girls who are way too drunk 🤔
or maybe just professionals providing services for a fee.

briskowl24 said:Back in the day, the priority was often that a woman knew her way around a kitchen and was ready to dedicate herself to the home; people could criticize that if they wanted, but hey, every era has its own set of rules.

Nowadays, everything is just so "fast-paced." Because of that, I guess there’s a bigger emphasis on traits that are immediately obvious—things like looks, being charming, having a great smile, being put-together, financial stability, or social status. People don't go out as much anymore, communication is shorter, and we spend way less time actually socializing and getting to know people deeply. It makes it kind of tough to really discover someone's more subtle strengths.

Even back in elementary school, you can see how some kids focus entirely on grades and studying, while others take a more laid-back approach, focusing more on playing and just enjoying life. It carries over into high school, too; for some, college prep is the main goal, while others are busy discovering talents or becoming the popular crowd—the ones who are super charismatic, rule the social scene, turn heads with their looks, and get compliments constantly.
It isn't really realistic to expect everyone to have the same kind of compatibility when it comes to the opposite sex.
A straight-A student isn't going to compete with the popular jock in certain categories, and vice versa in others.
Also, those girls who were the "it girls" in their youth will probably just keep leaning into those advantages, maybe smoothing out a few flaws if they feel it's necessary, and that's pretty much it.
It all seems pretty logical to me.

Regarding what our colleague wrote: "the more a woman focuses on her appearance, the less interested a man is in her as a person"—I think that's just poorly phrased logic. If we interpret "a woman who takes care of herself" as meaning an attractive woman, then she would likely prioritize someone who is more of a scholar or an intellectual, and those two groups usually come from completely different social circles based on what I mentioned earlier.

For guys who base their identity on intellect rather than those "fast" physical advantages, I think they should continue looking for partners based on intelligence. Finding someone who also happens to be physically stunning is basically like hitting the jackpot on a scratch-off ticket.

Wow, you really painted with a broad brush there, didn't you? So according to your logic: an attractive woman equals a shallow woman, which means she only wants the social butterflies and has zero interest in intellectuals because she doesn't even run in those circles?😵

And then you're implying that nerds are just people who haven't found their talent yet, essentially calling them unattractive!

I don't even want to read the rest of this!🙄

Honestly, sleeping on the floor is such a game-changer because I feel so much more refreshed and energized when I wake up, but you definitely can't just crash directly onto the hardwood! You really should grab a cozy sleeping bag and lay it down over a soft rug with a nice pillow first. 👍

What do you all think about that old saying that you can't truly love unless you've known what it's like to suffer? (I mean, if we set aside the actual masochists, victims of abuse, or anything pathological, do you really feel like there's some deep-seated truth buried in the human soul there?) And honestly, what would that even look like in real life?

I honestly never thought I’d be the one giving this kind of advice to anyone, but wouldn't it actually be such a relief for you to just check into a hospital for a little while and truly decompress? Wouldn't it feel amazing to just relax, hang out with people, laugh, eat some good food, grab a coffee, or even have a smoke, all while knowing deep down that you're finally safe because there are doctors and professionals right there to watch over you? They might even be able to adjust your medication to something that actually helps you feel a bit more comfortable and at peace, so don't you think that might be exactly what you need right now?

mistybison

Harold Anderson3 said:What does a "normal" life actually look like here in America?
Is it that standard blueprint—having your own family, owning a house, driving your own car, and checking off all those boxes with a college degree and a solid career?
Then I take a look at my own reality, feeling pretty isolated and lacking just about everything on that list, while spending my days caring for my sick mother and my exhausted grandmother.
I’m carrying the weight of a traumatic childhood, and honestly, I’ve got a genetic predisposition toward mental health struggles.
There are moments when I feel okay, but those moods tend to crash quite quickly. I feel stuck in this relentless cycle where my failures feed my depression, and that depression just drags me further down, creating more fuel for the next downward spiral.

I mentioned my grandmother earlier. To be blunt, she’s been the core wound in our family ever since the way she brought my mother into this world. She spent her life wandering around without an ounce of responsibility or common sense, acting like a headless chicken, until she finally aged out and drifted back to the very house she was born in.
As for my mother, the family basically pressured her into getting married because she was sickly, and they saw marriage as a way to offload the burden of looking after her. So, she married, had me, and then they divorced after just three years.
My father is one of those workaholics—a talented craftsman, sure, but it’s like he never even lived under our roof because he was never home. And my stepmother... well, she’s a whole other story; she’s become a completely different person now that we kids are grown. It’s just... yeah. 🤦

It’s just how it works for everyone, you know? I mean, truly *everyone* without exception! It isn't even about people trying to hide their despair or whatever; it's more like you simply don't have any other choice but to cling to those few fleeting moments in a day or a week where the darkness actually lifts, only for it to come crashing back down and making everything feel even heavier than before because you had finally started to get used to the weight, right? So then you're just left waiting, aren't you, just praying to catch one of those tiny windows of good spirits where you can forget all the trauma and the absolute mess of it all for just a few minutes?

I’m telling you, it’s true for absolutely everyone, I swear! Is there even a single person on this entire planet who hasn't dealt with their fair share of absolute chaos and deep-seated trauma? You’re dealing with psychosis while your grandmother was wandering around like a lost soul and your father was never actually around to support you, but think about how many others have faced much darker paths—some survivors of horrific abuse, some raised by fathers who struggled with alcoholism and turned violent against their families, or even those who suffered physical tragedies only to be cast out by their own kin and sent away to state facilities. Some people get blindsided by betrayal in relationships until they just snap, while others face spiritual crises that leave them seeking exorcisms or living in constant trances, or perhaps someone loses a child entirely... Nobody is putting on an act here, right? People don't choose this; they simply survive because they have to, pushing through day after day just to stay upright. Honestly, what else is life if not that struggle?

mistybison

Joseph Bailey41 said:The thing is, it's a very personal matter. Like I said before, not all psychoses are the same. You first need to talk through what they're experiencing and find common ground to reach a potential solution. (And, obviously, always have a backup plan just in case things go sideways—like having a doctor's number on hand).

I've posted links to a manual for tapering off psychiatric meds several times on this subforum—it's publicly available and has been translated into American English along with many other languages. If anyone is interested, they can find it. I also linked a YouTube channel run by someone who works specifically with people dealing with bipolar disorder (in the relevant thread), who focuses heavily on mania and psychosis. Again, if anyone wants it, they can find it. You are more than welcome to start your own thread or share your specific struggle here—nobody is stopping you. But I don't think it's right to clutter up someone else's thread with advice they didn't ask for.

You should probably post that on an alternative forum, because they’ll likely just delete posts like that here. Isn't it just so sad that the core principle in medical training for anyone becoming a psychotherapist is to never actually engage with the content of hallucinations? The way things are approached today is just so fundamentally flawed, isn't it? They basically tell someone already experiencing a crisis that something inside them is "broken" and needs to be fixed, which is really just another way of telling them to reject their own feelings because those feelings aren't considered "correct"—as if they didn't receive enough support growing up to handle it (which is actually quite possible and often the very reason these emotional experiences happen in the first place)!

Quote:>

Harold Anderson3 says: Can psychotherapy actually change what we have lived through, and can it truly heal those deep scars we carry from our earliest childhood? If it could, wouldn't a whole lot more people be running to see a psychiatrist or a therapist? What is even the point of psychotherapy anyway? Is it meant to mold us into who we want to be, or is it just about learning to accept ourselves exactly as we are?

I honestly don't see much purpose in psychotherapy at all; I mean, you can talk to someone until the sun comes up, but nobody is ever going to be in your exact shoes, right? No one can feel your pain for you, no one can take your emotions away so you don't have to feel them anymore, and no amount of talking is going to convince you that you shouldn't feel the way you do (especially since you already know how you feel!)

Quote:>>

So, I’m a full thirty years old now, and when I look back at my life, I just feel such deep pity for myself because most of the time I've just dealt with nothing but problems, whether it was with the people around me or within myself. I don't know, maybe it would have been better if I had never been born, and I frequently find myself thinking about death, whether through suicide or some other way. I know I'm rambling a bit here, but I just don't know a better way to express myself.

It’s all just a matter of perspective, isn't it? Sometimes it just isn't a good idea to believe everything your own thoughts tell you!

Quote:>

Nash fell ill over fifty years ago, back when the side effects of the medications used then were sometimes even worse than the illness itself! He wasn't even close to being functional, yet he completed the work that earned him a Nobel Prize before he ever received a diagnosis. He was unemployed for nearly his entire life until retirement, and even when he returned as a lecturer at Princeton, he was never fully healed.

I know a professor in London who had a schizophrenia diagnosis and lived on social security for years, but now he teaches at a university and writes incredible articles about how society treats people with psychiatric diagnoses!

Harold Anderson3 says:
Heyyy Joseph Bailey41, why don't you post your picture for us? 🙂🙂

🤣

George Cook said:Honestly, this isn't even normal behavior; you basically drained your friend dry just by venting. How can you spend until 5:00 AM spinning your wheels and disrupting someone else's sleep and responsibilities? There has to be some level of decorum.

Your sister gave you some solid advice; she simply refused to entertain your constant complaining and left you to figure things out on your own. When your "difficult" sister cut you off, you just pivoted and started draining your friend instead. It’ll be the same deal with the author's father once he decides to distance himself—she'll just find someone else to lean on. If you're truly such an expert, why don't you try linking the author's situation to her father? Imagine spending every single day for the next year talking to him multiple times a day, sometimes even until 5:00 AM. I'm sure you'll stumble upon the perfect words and the ultimate solution to his problems then. What do you think?
I wonder what all those psychologists are actually working toward during their years of study.
Do they pore over textbooks just to mess with people later, or to actually help solve problems?

This specific situation is exactly why someone should see a therapist.
It isn’t just the mentally ill who seek help; it’s healthy people facing problems they simply aren't equipped to handle.

A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER will never be able to offer better support than a professional. They are too emotionally entangled in the relationship; you end up draining them under the guise of "being family" or "being friends."
If a friend broke her leg, I’d send her straight to the ER rather than trying to set the bone myself and making things worse.

This girl is talking to him while he insults her, flipping between being perfectly fine and acting completely unhinged.
Who is even looking out for whom here?

Send him straight to a psychologist and turn off your phone; you aren't obligated to listen to this. ☕
Once he regains his senses, acts normal again, and stops the insults, then you can resume the conversation.

Right now, he’s acting like a broken record, ruining your mood. You already mentioned wanting to disappear—look, you're only 25. Is he even considering your mental state? He’s purely selfish, throwing tantrums like a five-year-old. He should have dealt with his marriage issues a long time ago; if he didn't, then so much for that. Let him go to a shrink for his confessions and leave you alone to enjoy your youth.

Look, you and I aren't friends, and we probably won't be either since we see things so differently, and that's fine—whatever works for you! But I really feel like you're exaggerating here, or at the very least, you haven't quite grasped what I was trying to say.

You call it "nagging," "draining," or "insulting," but to me, it's simply being there for someone I truly care about. And I mean *truly* care, not just "doing my duty" because it's expected. When I genuinely feel for someone, that kind of support doesn't drain me; it actually fills my tank with energy! Besides, I would never build a relationship (aside from family, which is more of a given) based on convenience—where I'm only around when life is easy and fun, but the second things get heavy and you aren't "normal" anymore, I just bail.

Plus, when someone feels unconditional support, calmness, and love from the other side, they tend to calm down themselves and lose the need to act so hysterical. Of course, there will still be outbursts, but over time—months and years—those moments will start to fade.

That is the only way I see someone being able to "help" (by helping themselves, really). As for your comment about me thinking I can just say the right words and find the perfect solution—you completely misunderstood me! I am literally saying that such a thing doesn't exist and is impossible. Trying to offer solutions to someone in that state is one of the worst things you can do. (And honestly, that's exactly what most incompetent psychologists do!)

And wait, where on earth did I ever say I thought my sister was being malicious just because she called me out? She’s totally off the hook, and I made it super clear before that we aren't responsible for each other's actions just because we share the same parents, right?

I actually had a job back in the day that was pretty similar to this, but I ended up walking away from it—not because the work itself was draining, because honestly, I loved it and it never felt heavy, but because I just couldn't sit there and watch my coworkers and the manager treat people so poorly! And can you believe they even had advanced degrees in psychotherapy? They had zero empathy, and since that kind of behavior didn't feed their souls, they just burned out completely, so now they only stick around for the paycheck and to vent their frustrations by playing "tough boss" over those poor, vulnerable people.

Finding a truly great psychologist is such a massive challenge, isn't it? I haven't met a single one who actually fits the bill yet, and let's be real, they are incredibly expensive! You end up throwing money at someone who just pushes directive approaches and "one-size-fits-all" solutions that might sound logical to them, but have absolutely nothing to do with who you actually are. It's just not the answer, at least not for me!

That's why I really have to disagree with you when you say that someone who genuinely loves you won't be able to help you more than a professional could—I mean, there is just no way! Only people who actually radiate peace, love, calmness, and patience are even capable of helping anyone else through something.

Sean Cruz said:Jane Doe

It might be better for him, sure, but she's being poisoned by his baggage. She needs to realize she isn't obligated to act as his emotional dumping ground, regardless of the fact that he's her father. She's in a bad place herself, and she isn't a therapist. I don't think it's any better for him to take it out on her than it would be for him to hit the bar and become an alcoholic. There are other paths—like seeking professional help or reaching out to support groups—to figure out a way to actually help him.

Jane Doe
:

Based on what you wrote, I wouldn't label him a toxic person. It sounds more like someone who has lost their footing and is in deep pain. As hysterical and irrational as he seems right now, this phase will pass.

Or it won't, especially if he’s dealt with similar issues before—the kind of stuff that drives a spouse away.
In relation to her, he *is* being toxic, and she can't fix this alone because she's struggling too.

I agree with the rest of the sentiment. Nothing catastrophic is going to happen to him, and the fear that he'll suffer if she isn't constantly by his side shouldn't stop her from stepping back for a while to get herself sorted out.

By the way, I'm not saying empathy is a bad thing, but sometimes excessive empathy just turns a person into a punching bag.

Well, nobody here told her she had to be that emotional sponge, and I made sure to emphasize that to her myself!

I was only trying to offer a glimpse into his perspective, because don't you know that once you can actually understand someone, you tend to feel more empathy and less anger, which leaves you feeling so much less bitter?

It feels to me like everyone here has dealt with someone like this before, because why is everyone throwing stones at him? The guy is in the absolute worst kind of mess—his wife left him for someone else—and yet everyone here is just calling him a jerk, selfish, or toxic, assuming he was always this way and that's why she left.

To me, this feels like pure projection and it's not fair at all since we have no idea what the actual situation is like.
The author mentioned that they used to get along beautifully and were really close.

Oh, sure, let's all be sunshine and rainbows when things are going great, but the second something tragic happens and someone needs a little extra time to recover (I mean, hello, his wife left him over the summer—it hasn't even been six months!), we immediately run far away from this "toxic and selfish" person who supposedly doesn't care about anyone but himself.

And yeah, he might not be thinking of anyone else, but isn't it true that when you're completely unable to recover from trauma, you literally cannot think about anything else? He isn't doing it on purpose.

I don't know, I wouldn't want to have friends like that. Life happens to everyone, and we'll all find ourselves in a spot where we just can't go on and we need people to simply exist there for us without judgment.

Back when I went through a breakup with my "soulmate" a long time ago, my best friend would stay up talking to me all night long whenever I needed it—literally until 5 AM! I felt this desperate need to recount every tiny, insignificant detail of that relationship, and who knows how many hours we spent analyzing everything? I would have done the exact same for her. But hey, you choose your friends, you don't choose your family.

I'll say it again: it's too much for the author, and she really needs to distance herself from him. Plus, him being "on his own" isn't a bad thing and it won't stop him from getting better. Recovery just takes time, no matter what people say or do around him, whether they stay close or pull away—time is the only thing that matters for healing.

EDIT: Now that I think about it, my sister was just like that when I had that breakup; she basically shut me down immediately, telling me to get over it, realize it was just an experience, and move on—and if I couldn't, I should see a therapist. Even today, she tells me I obsessed way too much over that guy and the whole situation. And recently, when I was dealing with some heavy stuff at work and feeling pretty overwhelmed while trying to make big decisions, she just told me to deal with it, said I complain every single day, and suggested I just go grab coffee with someone to clear my head because she has her own problems and doesn't want to hear mine. So yeah, I totally agree—you aren't obligated to do anything for your family just because you were born into it.

Look, everyone goes through different seasons in life where they experience all sorts of things and their behavior shifts completely! If I’m reading you right, you and your husband used to be incredibly close and had such a great connection, didn't you? But now, he’s just going through a total breakdown—not even in a clinical sense, but just that feeling of being totally shattered and hitting rock bottom. When people go through a breakup after two years, it can take them three more years just to find themselves again between the depression and the obsession, so can you imagine how much harder it is after years of marriage and raising kids together? There are all these stages he has to navigate, like grief, anger, guilt, or even that flickering hope that things will fix themselves, and honestly, there isn't a manual for it! I really think it helps him immensely that he has you to vent to. You don't necessarily need to say anything profound; sometimes just being there and showing genuine empathy is everything. He's probably not heading to a local pub to pour his heart out to his buddies, and honestly, it’s probably for the best that he isn't trying to drown it all in whiskey.

Based on what you've shared, I don't see him as a toxic person at all, but rather someone who has simply lost his footing and is drowning in intense pain. As hysterical or irrational as he seems right now, this too shall pass!

Now, you mentioned that dealing with this is becoming way too exhausting for you, and hey, you have every right to feel that way because you don't owe anyone your mental health! Even if he knows he's draining you, he likely just doesn't have the strength to stop himself from unloading. It’s going to keep spilling out of him at every single opportunity because he's just so full of it—it’s like when you're sick and the infection just has to break through.

So, the ball is in your court to decide how to handle this and whether you need to step back and create some distance. You said you're worried that something might happen to him, but truly, nothing is going to happen; he will find a way to get through this on his own. At the end of the day, we all eventually realize that we have to face our own struggles alone, because no matter how much we try to offload our burdens onto others, nobody can actually feel the pain for us.

Morgan Campbell4 - Is there one specific moment from your past that keeps haunting you, or has everything just kind of piled up all at once until it felt like too much?

Donna White50 said:Been hearing a lot of this lately during my therapy sessions... It seems like everyone’s dealing with the exact same thing—this obsessive need to cling to some grand illusion of being perfect or "larger than life." It's like people genuinely feel like their whole world will just crumble if they ever admit to being totally average. But honestly? Accepting that you're just ordinary... that's actually the only way to heal...
Man, you’re just a regular guy—honestly, I don't think you could be any more mid if you tried. You're healthy, you're grinding through college, you aren't exactly pulling in a massive paycheck yet, and you're living in some tiny apartment... just dreaming about making it big and finding that happiness like 90% of people our age...
You're just... alright, I guess...
Just totally average...
Does it make you feel any better knowing I'm just pretty average too...?
Honestly, my obsessions haven't really crushed me lately—mostly because I finally just accepted that being average isn't actually a bad thing. It’s just... life, you know? It's you, it's me, it's all of us...
Just don't forget—what actually sets you apart from everyone else is your own gut feeling... your experiences, what you want out of life, your vision, your faith, and those ideals you hold dear...
That's just yours—it’s one of a kind... and it stays yours no matter what happens. Even when you're pulling in three times the salary you make now, just chilling somewhere with a beer in hand, talking to your girl, or hanging out with your kids... it'll still be yours...

You’re just terrified that you aren't actually anything special—like, that being "average" makes you a failure or a total wash... and that you'll stay stuck like that unless you finally go out and crush some massive goal...
Look, Illusion, you’re already there—you really are. You just need to chill out and actually let yourself enjoy who you are right now, without feeling like you have to perform or be someone else just to feel worthy or in control of your life. Just relax... try to show yourself a little more love and embrace everything that makes you, you. Don't sweat it, though—everything is under control. Whatever life throws your way is just a temporary hiccup, and things will settle back into a normal rhythm eventually. People get through stuff, we all do... we just adapt...

Gosh, I feel like I just have to publicly thank you for posting this! Seriously, I don't think I've ever read anything more helpful on this entire forum, or anything more liberating, for that matter! (I mean, I always used to think psychotherapy was such a joke, but after reading your post, I'm starting to think maybe it isn't so bad after all 🙂

I know this might sound a little harsh to some people reading this, but let me offer you a bit of comfort—I was exactly the same way back when I was a student in college, and honestly, everything turned out just fine for me! 🙂

Come on, just grit your teeth and push through until September, pass those remaining classes, and make sure you don't have to repeat the year! Can't you see that all this fear and panic is actually just fuel to drive you forward? Once you pass, isn't all of this going to feel like a distant memory?

It feels like nothing is sticking right now, doesn't it? But if you just go through the material, truly grasp it, and review it, won't everything come flooding back to you right when you need it most during the exam?

And since we both know you're such a total perfectionist, why not start studying much earlier next year so you don't find yourself caught in this kind of time crunch again?

By the time you're finishing up your degree, you'll naturally start to relax more and work on your social skills, too. And once graduation rolls around, maybe then you can finally kick that coffee habit! 🙂

Hey there, you're certainly an interesting one! What makes you feel like everything you've shared here is such a negative thing that you absolutely have to go ahead and change it all?