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Posts by Lawrence Bailey77

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How to break free from love hypnosis in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jeffrey Ramos4 said:🙏🙏🙏

just look at those flowers on his jacket 😁🙏🙏🙏

👍 I suppose you certainly have a keen eye for detail😍

Anyway, regarding the title... instead of using the term "romantic hypnosis", if you ask me, it probably should have been titled "How to break free from an egotrip?"

My friend, you seem to be stuck in what one might call a multi-year egotrip yourself... there isn't even a hint of actual love involved here. But then again, people convince themselves of far more dangerous illusions than this, so... just take it slow. Life is a long road, I guess. lol☕😵

Good luck👍
How to break free from love hypnosis in Psychology & Therapy ·
Perhaps a bit of humor might help ease the tension here 😬

.. if not .. then I suppose you’ll just be waiting another six years.. though God knows we have all the time in the world.. but honestly.. no one is going to swoop in and solve this for you.. personally, I would much rather suggest a few sessions with a therapist than endure those years of.. well, pointless agitation🐔

Don't go falling apart on me now.. I'd say more, but I suppose the rules of this forum don't allow for that kind of talk😵
Should I say "no" or just brush it off? in Psychology & Therapy ·
goldenheron6 said:Then there’s this one girl I used to see. Every single time I try to call her up to grab a coffee,
she’s suddenly "too busy." But the second she hits me up? I’m right there. It’s stupid, honestly.
Or if I tell her I can't make it today, she’s all like, "Fine, let's do tomorrow," even though she won't
reach out again for weeks.

And you guys might be right—maybe I am just terrified of confrontation...
But it makes you wonder, what actually happens when you clash with someone? Maybe
I'm more scared of the fallout than the fight itself.🙂

It’s definitely time for a change, but based on what you said, I don't mean my whole damn personality, just
learning how to actually stand up for myself.

Most people go through this at some point in their lives... someone who craves social interaction will tend to offer more than someone who only seeks company when they need it in that specific moment... not as a rule, mind you... generally speaking, a person might have various opinions, but when they actually need companionship, they expect it right then and there (usually spoiled brats, though it doesn't really matter who they are or what they're like, except in terms of how you react to them to avoid unwanted consequences 😉) ... and since they expect immediate attention, someone in your current state will seem ideal to them. So, she certainly won't change, nor is it your responsibility to change her (in my opinion, you don't even have the right, regardless of the circumstances), but rather to adjust your own behavior because YOU want to avoid those consequences 🧐

What you said—it could easily be that I'm afraid of conflict...
Now the question is, "what can result from conflict?" Perhaps
I am more afraid of those consequences 🙂

Well, I suspect you don't even make it to that stage due to such intense mental blocking... analyzing it won't hurt, but I would suggest focusing less on the analysis and more on actually solving the problem 😉

It is time for me to change, but based on what you said, that doesn't mean my whole personality, but rather
simply learning how to stand up for myself.

I suppose so... while you can't change who you are fundamentally, you can train your behavior... like exercises... much like a martial art, like Bruce Lee 😬... it truly is like a sport. For instance, imagine starting a new sport for the first time; you wouldn't know much about the theory or rules, let alone the movements and skills required to be proficient. Everything in life is practiced gradually, including behavior—learning how to avoid those situations that lead to states of being you'd rather not inhabit
.
In my view, that feeling of being used, or feeling as though you lack control over... roughly speaking, yourself... if you "can't say NO, then something is definitely wrong and it is certainly time for a change
.
Let's test (you)... just send me 100 bucks... right now 😛

I see... it seems you get it... it's just a matter of setting priorities and building those ingrained mechanisms that will likely become instinctive later in life, so you won't have to think too hard or analyze excessively, which will be a great relief... but don't forget to go slow and thorough... be persistent and take small steps... you need to build a solid foundation so you don't run into trouble later... and avoid what I mentioned earlier... don't swing to the opposite extreme, or you'll just find yourself facing the same problem from the other side.

I suppose I don't think you'd have any desire to exploit someone, even unintentionally—which, if we're being honest, is how it usually happens most of the time anyway.

I certainly hope you aren't under the impression that people are inherently wicked, deliberately seeking to take advantage of you out of pure malice. Personally, I view it more as a biological reality; very few people actually consider anyone else's needs beyond their own, so I tend to see these situations as nothing more than a natural consequence of human nature given the circumstances.

It’s quite easy for me to remain objective about the matter, though I realize it’s much harder on a subjective level. It’s difficult to process everything with a clear head when emotions are constantly interfering with one's judgment. But, I won't dwell on it too long... I found myself getting carried away by 😬
Is it possible to not belong to any subculture? in Philosophy ·
Regarding the idiots 🙄 trailer Quote

Gerald Hill said:I would have to disagree; I believe it does exist. It is simply found in the individual who refuses to be defined by any specific labels or ideologies, choosing instead to just live their life authentically.

No single "ideology" truly defines a person 😉... a person defines the ideology... again, I want to emphasize that I believe I understand the conflict, or perhaps the motivation behind searching for answers, but at a primal level, a person is simply what they desire... pure will. If someone chooses to limit themselves through ism and refuse the freedom that comes with being a true human being—and I might even go so far as to say absolute freedom—they would dare to err, to face limitations, and yet simultaneously strive to liberate themselves from everything that previously held them back. It's a process... development... learning... progress... learning from mistakes 👍 the reward being experience 👋

Society, however, models us through either affection or force from the moment we are born, depending on the culture and the era and things of that nature. It isn't particularly easy to become a person, let alone remain one for anyone else. Not to mention that it's an individual struggle every single time, and ultimately, a person defines themselves if they are indeed a person. If they are something else entirely, then there are plenty of excuses for those types 😬
Should I say "no" or just brush it off? in Psychology & Therapy ·
These things don't just happen overnight; they evolve over time, and developing a different kind of reaction takes just as long. I suppose you should give yourself some grace here—organize your thoughts and arm yourself with a bit of persistence. Start with the small stuff. 👍

For instance, try chasing after a single principle. Perhaps there is something you consistently do that is essentially just a failure to set boundaries—that inability to say "no" which seems to plague you. You might start practicing by refusing things that simply don't sit right with you, even if those instances aren't quite as daunting as the specific confrontations you're facing with certain people in particular situations. I hope that makes sense. You’ll have to judge for yourself what constitutes an irrational compulsion, but eventually, you'll notice a shift. You'll see how it affects you, and slowly, you'll build up that experience people often call "self-confidence," which will serve you during the bigger transitions. 👍

I have noticed that some people who claim they want to change end up acting like complete idiots. Then, predictably, they find themselves dissatisfied again because if other people's behavior bothers you, it likely wouldn't suit you to simply become one of them—essentially just swapping roles.

In short, changing your behavior doesn't mean changing who you are at your core. You remain the same individual with the same strengths and flaws; you are simply processing information differently and altering your reactions.

I suspect people make a mistake when they aim for total self-transformation, because, realistically, that is impossible. Well, perhaps in some extreme circumstances, though I don't think this situation qualifies as one of them. ☕
Is it possible to not belong to any subculture? in Philosophy ·
Gerald Hill said:Individualism also entails embracing a personal value system, which is itself a philosophical perspective. However, there is the "lone individual" who simply possesses no clearly defined system of values or beliefs. Such a person remains indifferent toward questions of value and, consequently, stays uninterested in any "-isms," as they are tied to specific doctrines, believing there is no reason to accept anything at all.

If I follow your logic... personally, I find myself clinging to certain ideologies merely to facilitate easier communication. There are so many compromises involved; language itself acts as such a significant limitation, yet it remains indispensable for verbal interaction. Of course, there are various modes of communication, so...

What can one even say? Even your use of the phrase "just a person" within those quotation marks seems somewhat superfluous to me, though I suspect that obsessing over every single word during a conversation could easily lead to madness.😵 Therefore, some level of compromise and tolerance is necessary for the sake of social conformity😬, allowing communication to flow steadily and gradually reveal the true intentions of the participants.

Respect for the topic.👍

Is there to be or not to be a person who belongs to no ideology at all?

Well, I know of at least one such individual.🙂
Is it possible to not belong to any subculture? in Philosophy ·
I suppose I should address the comments made by Lawrence Bailey77. It seems there is a certain tendency here to overlook the broader implications of these developments, though perhaps that is simply the nature of modern discourse. One might argue that we are seeing a pattern emerge, one that feels increasingly predictable, if somewhat exhausting. I suspect, if I am being honest, that most people are looking for quick fixes where none exist, which is a rather wearying cycle to witness. Perhaps it is my own cynicism speaking, but I find myself questioning whether anyone is truly paying attention to the underlying mechanics of the situation. It is all quite complicated, I guess, and certainly more nuanced than the superficial takes currently circulating. kaže:
I suppose one might wonder what category of individual falls under the heading of someone who lacks a definitive stance and chooses instead to respect everyone’s opinion unconditionally. It is an interesting question, though perhaps a bit nebulous. I suspect such a person might be labeled a "people pleaser," if we are being blunt about it, or perhaps just someone characterized by a certain intellectual passivity. One could argue that there is a certain virtue in being diplomatic—a quality that is increasingly rare in our rather polarized American landscape—but there is a fine line between being civil and simply being hollow. If a person refuses to take a side on even the most fundamental matters, are they truly respecting others, or are they merely avoiding the discomfort of having a backbone? I don't know. Maybe they are just tired. I think, perhaps, they are just weary of the constant friction that defines modern life. It is a heavy burden, trying to hold a conviction when the world seems determined to tear everything apart. One might call them a centrist, or a fence-sitter, or perhaps just someone who has realized that, in the end, most arguments are just noise. I guess it depends on whether you view their neutrality as a sign of wisdom or a symptom of apathy.

I suppose one could argue that nothing quite like it exists. It seems to me, though I could be mistaken, that we haven't truly encountered its equal before. Perhaps it’s just my own weary cynicism talking, but I find myself doubting if such a thing actually exists in our current reality.I suppose I should address this, though I suspect my input may be largely superfluous given the current state of affairs. It seems we are once again circling the drain of indecision. I guess there isn’t much else to say, really. One could argue that staying silent is its own form of commentary, but perhaps that's just my own weary cynicism talking. Maybe.There was no necessity for it, nor does such an action hold any actual merit. I suppose the fundamental issue is that the very essence of any modification—any attempt at division, restriction, or establishing a sense of belonging—inherently creates an exclusionary boundary. By defining who belongs, you automatically dictate who does not, which, in my estimation, effectively stifles the possibility of genuine discourse. It seems somewhat futile, if you ask me. 🙂

I suppose one could argue that when a man is truly free—and I mean possessing that genuine sense of agency we all claim to value—he acts out of his own volition. If he chooses to show respect, it isn't because some external force or heavy-handed regulation is leaning on him. There is no real necessity for coercion when a person’s actions are driven by their own internal compass. It seems to me, though perhaps I am being overly idealistic, that true integrity only exists when there is no compulsion involved. Without that element of choice, respect is just another form of compliance, which, in my estimation, is a rather hollow substitute for actual character. I suppose I should offer an apology. My mistake, truly. 🙂 I suppose I should address this matter, though I find myself questioning whether it warrants such scrutiny in the first place. It seems we have arrived at a point where certain observations must be made, even if they feel somewhat redundant. Perhaps it is simply the nature of these discussions—a constant circling of the same drain, one might say. I suspect there is more to uncover, but I am hesitant to jump to conclusions without further deliberation. Maybe it’s just my own cynicism talking, but I often wonder if we are merely rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Regardless, let us proceed with caution. I suppose there isn't much to say about this, though I feel compelled to offer a few observations, if only to fill the silence. It seems we are left with very little substance to work with here. One might argue that without a clear subject, any commentary becomes somewhat aimless—though, then again, perhaps that is simply the nature of most modern discourse. I suspect we are all just drifting through these digital spaces, searching for something meaningful that rarely arrives. Perhaps I am being too cynical. Maybe. Regardless, I shall remain here, observing the void. I suppose one could classify that particular case under the category of an individual. Perhaps. It seems to me that such a distinction might be warranted, though I hesitate to be too definitive about it.I suppose I should probably clarify my position on this matter, though I suspect it might be somewhat futile given the current state of discourse. It seems we have reached a point of absolute parity, or perhaps just a tedious stalemate. One could argue that everything is essentially equal at this stage, though I find myself questioning whether such equality is actually a desirable outcome or merely a symptom of general stagnation. Perhaps. I guess it doesn't much matter in the grand scheme of things. Well, I find myself returning to my previous point: this whole situation implies a certain level of allegiance that, if you ask me, he really ought to be rejecting altogether. It seems to me that he should refrain from attaching himself to any particular faction or group whatsoever. In my view, he should serve as his own sole standard of measurement, rather than identifying with some sort of artificial construct or collective entity. Perhaps I am being overly cautious, but I suppose one could argue that true independence means refusing to be defined by such labels. I suppose I should address this matter, though I suspect my input might be somewhat redundant at this stage. It seems we are circling back to the same fundamental issues again, which is, frankly, exhausting. One would think that after all the discussions we've had regarding these systemic inefficiencies, we might have arrived at some semblance of clarity, but perhaps I am being overly optimistic. I guess it’s just the nature of things here in America—constant motion without much actual progress. Maybe we are simply destined to tread this same ground indefinitely. 🙂

I suppose I should begin. It seems there is a certain expectation for me to contribute something of substance here, though I find myself questioning whether any meaningful discourse can truly flourish in such an environment. Perhaps I am being overly pessimistic, but experience suggests that most discussions eventually devolve into mere noise. Regardless, I shall attempt to participate. I suppose I should clarify my position on this matter, though I suspect it may be somewhat futile. I don’t consider myself to belong to any particular group, nor do I feel any sense of affiliation with any specific movement or faction. To be perfectly clear, I am not seeking membership, nor do I wish to be categorized or pigeonholed by anyone. If someone feels an absolute necessity to label me or associate me with a certain cause, they are, of course, free to do as they please—I can hardly stop them—but I want it understood that I am making a deliberate and firm distinction. I simply have no interest in being part of the collective. 😉

What I mean is, take something like Dada, for instance. I suppose it’s just one example, though it’s probably a rather illustrative one if you think about it long enough. Maybe.I suppose I should mention that I am back. It feels like quite some time has passed, though whether that is due to the actual passage of days or merely my own perception of them is something I cannot say for certain. I shall attempt to contribute more regularly, provided the circumstances allow for it. God forbid I should ever find myself associated with a group like that.It appears there might have been an error or some missing context in your message. If you were attempting to provide a specific text for me to rework, please send it over. I am ready to apply the necessary transformations once I have the source material. 👍

I suppose I should probably address the matter of regional affiliation within this forum, though I find the very concept somewhat nebulous. It seems there is a certain expectation for users to identify where they are based, perhaps to foster some sense of community or local relevance. In my experience, such categorizations often feel a bit arbitrary—one can be sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle one moment and then virtually present in a suburb of Chicago the next. I guess what I am trying to say is that while people might want to sort themselves into specific geographic subgroups, I have always found that digital spaces tend to defy those traditional boundaries. Maybe it’s useful for some to know who their neighbors are, but personally, I find the constant need to label oneself by location to be a trifle tedious. It feels like an unnecessary layer of bureaucracy applied to what should be a simple exchange of ideas. Not that I am against it, per se; I just wonder if we aren't all just drifting through the same vast American landscape regardless of our zip codes.It seems there might have been a misunderstanding or perhaps an incomplete thought in your previous message. I am not entirely certain what you intended to convey with that specific term, though I suppose one could speculate on its meaning within this context. Perhaps it was a typo, or maybe a fragment of a larger point you were attempting to make? Either way, if you were looking for a particular insight or trying to initiate a discussion, I would suggest being a bit more explicit. I find that clarity, while often elusive in these digital spaces, usually serves us better in the long run. I guess we can just move forward, provided the intent becomes clear. It is becoming rather tiresome, I must say. One reaches a certain point where the constant need for restraint feels less like discipline and more like a slow erosion of one's very existence. I suppose, if I am being honest with myself, I have no desire to spend my remaining years constantly holding back. It’s an exhausting way to live, isn't it? Perhaps there is a merit to indulgence that we all tend to ignore in favor of being sensible, though I suspect most would disagree. Regardless, the weight of these limitations is starting to feel quite heavy. It seems we have reached an exception. I suppose one could argue that such deviations are inevitable, though they rarely occur when things are functioning according to plan. Perhaps it is simply a matter of unforeseen variables disrupting the expected order. It is hard to say, really. 🙂

I suppose I might have misapplied a term there... my apologies if I've used a concept incorrectly. One can never be entirely certain of these technical nuances, I guess. ☕

Perhaps one could simply conjure up a few stubborn types in the room, if that were even possible. I suppose it’s a rather futile thought, really. I suppose there isn't much left to say on the matter. It seems we have reached a bit of a standstill, though I can't say I'm particularly surprised by that. One would think progress would be more consistent, but perhaps my expectations are simply too high for the current climate. It’s all rather predictable, really. 😒 I suppose one could argue that there is a certain necessity to emphasize the human element in these discussions. It seems, though I might be mistaken, that we often lose sight of the individual amidst all the data and systemic noise. Perhaps if we focused more on the person behind the screen—or the soul behind the statistics—we wouldn't find ourselves in such a predictable state of disillusionment. It’s a bit of a weary thought, really, but I suspect that without that core emphasis, everything else just feels rather hollow.I suppose I should probably address this, though I’m not entirely certain if it’s worth the breath. It feels somewhat futile to dwell on it, I guess. Perhaps there's a point to be made, but I find myself questioning whether any real clarity can be gained from such matters. One could argue it's necessary, but then again, maybe it's just noise. It’s hard to say for sure. But that only applies within the confines of the room, I suppose. 😉
Even though these questions weren't directed at me, I find myself unable to resist weighing in with my own perspective. 😬

steelridge58 said:You hit the nail on the head.

It really does go beyond simple charity

It’s about active, hands-on commitment.
Honestly, I think you did an amazing job breaking down those distinctions right there.
Basically, the world would be a much less hateful place if we simply had more volunteers out there....

But it makes me wonder, do you think that actually showing up and facing things firsthand might play a role in reducing that negativity? Like, could being present somehow touch people's consciences, raise awareness, challenge their existing biases or indifference, and really give them pause...
and eventually, spark a desire to volunteer themselves?

In other words, by creating that direct, lived experience.

I am fairly certain that 👍

In other words, creating an experiential connection.

It always comes back to 👋 experience, experience, and more experience! 🙂 Everything else, I suspect, is just empty rhetoric. ☕
Casey Ramos78 said:I’ve actually made some huge strides with my confidence over the last couple of years—like, I care way less about what people think now, even if I still struggle with it occasionally. But then, out of nowhere, something happens that just nukes my self-esteem. Someone told me this year (well, not to my face, but you get it) that they think I'm an idiot. Now? I can't stop obsessing over it. Every time I'm around them, I'm desperately trying to act smart, but it's just not working. I feel like a total moron whenever we hang out, which is weird because I don't feel this way with anyone else. It's just this one person, yet it makes me question if I actually *am* stupid in general, and honestly, my confidence is back in the gutter. My old insecurities are just resurfacing big time. Am I actually dumb or what? And how am I supposed to prove to them that I'm not? ... Just a million questions spinning in my head.

A bit of philosophical humor, if you can call it that;

how on earth does one explain stupidity to a fool?! 😬

Don't sweat it too much... you laid everything out clearly enough in your opening post. Just let it go. Honestly, why even bother trying to measure yourself against them or compete? Especially when you look at the state of the world today and the things people get up to... maybe it's better to just steer clear of the fools and maintain some shred of dignity.👍
Everything looks good, but it's a bit too restless in Psychology & Therapy ·
Betty Morgan5 said:Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, things have just been absolutely piling up on my plate lately... Thank you all so much for the replies, seriously, you've really given me a lot to chew on.

I don't know if it's an inferiority complex or what, because if you were implying that maybe my family doesn't value me or something like that, then no, that isn't it at all... I've always had better grades than my brother, my parents absolutely adore me, and I don't recall ever feeling less than worthy, honestly, they might have even preferred me slightly over him (but those are tiny details)...

What I mean is, I did lose weight once, but then I hit this massive wave of stress and everything just came right back, and ever since then, I've been constantly battling these numbers on the scale, like I find a connection to them in every single sentence I say. Today, I ran into this guy I used to date and he didn't recognize me at first, and then he goes, "I didn't recognize you," and immediately, my brain just went, *It's because you gained weight, this is how you look to him now,* and all these other stupid, intrusive thoughts. And I know they're awful and I shouldn't be having them, I'm fully aware of that, but they're just... they're still there. But that one sentence was enough to completely wreck my entire day and leave me feeling so miserable.
On the other hand, I'm terrified that if I actually fix the weight issue, it'll turn out that the weight was just a side effect of me trying to hide the fact that I might be gay, which is something I only started accepting about a year ago and I'm feeling a bit more settled about it, but then my head starts spinning again thinking, *Wait, if that isn't the problem, then what on earth is?*

To be totally honest, I couldn't describe myself any better; I've always played that exact card back in college and high school, trying to influence my grades as much as possible to balance out my failures in other areas (and for me, those failures are my physical appearance). My body is the biggest issue for me right now, and I know I need to lose weight, but I am just so incredibly exhausted from dieting and constantly calculating every single thing I eat, deciding what to pick or what to reject... I end up eating just because I'm bored or stressed, and I honestly can't control myself at all. I know everything there is to know about healthy eating and working out, truly, truly a lot. I've spent years reading articles and browsing forums about it and I know the theory inside and out, but in practice, I just can't seem to make it happen right now. Usually, when I commit to something, it has to be strictly by the book; I hate wandering aimlessly, and that doesn't just apply to diets, it applies to everything in my life...

Right now, I honestly couldn't be in a relationship because I would misinterpret every single word anyone said and I wouldn't be able to relax for a second. Letting someone get close to me and seeing even a glimpse of my problems would be so difficult. But then again, part of me desperately wants someone by my side, as long as they aren't just friends...
But what kind of "work" is supposed to fix self-confidence?

That's my plan too, to pack next semester full of stuff, and if I achieve even half of what I plan, that's great.
Those traits have been being carved out since birth, but who is to blame for the bad ones that showed up? Why were those the ones that took over?
I really, really need patience and persistence right now, but...

My mood can flip in a literal heartbeat whenever some dark, negative thought starts creeping into my head, but it’s specifically that heavy, crushing sensation that really sets me off. It gets to the point where I can't even have a normal conversation with anyone anymore because I start finding connections in absolutely everything 😢

"that's the spirit" 👍
Quincy:
These traits have been part of us since birth, but really, who is to blame for the negative ones that eventually surface?
One shouldn't resort to blaming or judging, because you end up drifting into such altered states of consciousness that you lose sight of who you are and what you actually want. You just spiral into more blame and judgment without ever finding a resolution. Criticism becomes an end in itself, and then you're just another average member of this society, being swept along by the crowd like leaves in the wind.😵

... if you truly feel compelled to overthink things, I would suggest pursuing understanding. It is a long and arduous process. As the years accumulate and experience grows, I guess it becomes slightly easier to grasp oneself. The irony, perhaps, is that after everything you've endured, it might not hold much personal weight for you anymore, though it could potentially assist the younger generation, or maybe your own children... or anyone else, really. Things tend to fall into place with age, for reasons of their own. In my estimation, circumstances play the largest role in phenomena that remain obscure to us. And who knows what life has in store? One doesn't simply give up. It is a struggle until the very end.👍

Quincy:
Why did those specific factors prevail?
Circumstances... you're only human. Forgive yourself and try to understand. Avoid the urge to judge or cast blame. Maintain your convictions and your perspective, but don't weigh yourself down with guilt or dwell on past mistakes. You won't learn anything unless you stumble, provided you recognize the error and work to ensure you don't repeat it—or at least, that you make fewer mistakes moving forward. That is how progress is made, I suppose.👍

Quincy:
I desperately need patience and persistence right now, but...
You know what you need—so allow yourself that grace.😉

Quincy:
My mood shifts in a split second whenever a negative thought crosses my mind, and that’s where I hit a wall. It reaches a point where normal conversation feels impossible because I find a connection to everything.😢
It is probably better if I don't discuss my internal states with you.😬

p.s. if you ask me, everything is interconnected and conditional... which isn't really surprising, given how much humanity has invented versus what we've actually perceived. I suppose we have essentially shackled ourselves by obsessively creating categories, rigid systems, and measurement scales. In doing so, we've effectively stifled our own ability to grasp the "unknown," even when that unknown is our very essence—our core being—whether we encounter it in fragments or in its entirety.

🙄 goodness, I really went on a tangent there 😬
Compulsive sexual behavior - Need advice/help in Psychology ·
rowdybison said:Look, I get it, okay? I was just saying it for the sake of it. Probably shouldn't have even brought it up. But seriously, I need some damn help here or things are gonna go south fast🙂

Now I'm sitting here losing my mind looking at your avatar. Oh my God, man, you gotta watch out, look at what I just typed😢

The whole damn country is basically one big provocation with sex on every single corner! Even in forum avatars. No wonder I'm struggling with this stuff.

What kind of "sideways" are we talking about? What exactly does that mess look like to you?

What sort of help are you looking for?

Now I’m sitting here losing my mind just looking at your avatar. Good grief, you really have to watch yourself, given what I just wrote 😢

Watch ourselves from whom... God? 😬

The entire damn world is practically flaunting sex on every single corner! Even in the avatars on this forum. It’s hardly surprising I’m dealing with these issues.

What issues are you actually having? 🐔

In short, what's the actual problem? ☕ Define it.
Compulsive sexual behavior - Need advice/help in Psychology ·
I suspect that your various "issues" might not actually have any direct correlation with your diagnosis ☕
Everything looks good, but it's a bit too restless in Psychology & Therapy ·
Betty Morgan5 said:Yeah, that’s solid advice, really, but the thing is, none of that crowd actually gives a damn about sports... they just aren't interested at all. I mean, I’ve practically lived my entire life around athletics, spent years training and pushing myself, but those weight issues have always been lurking in the background like an uninvited guest... always there, you know? Anyway, once I can finally catch my breath and get my head straight after all this mental exhaustion, I’m planning to jump right back onto a diet... just as soon as things settle down...

I really just hope I don't end up throwing in the towel on whatever I decide to tackle next... life is just one long series of starts and stops, isn't it? Anyway, thanks to you... 🙂

Quincy:
Lawrence Bailey77 I can't believe I'm even seeing this right now... it's like everyone just collectively decided to lose their minds at once, honestly...
Look, there’s really no need to go around apologizing... honestly, this whole habit you have of being so incredibly self-critical, it’s just unnecessary... I mean, why beat yourself up like that when it doesn't change a thing? It’s just exhausting to watch, really, all that constant backtracking and second-guessing everything you say or do... it's just too much... 🙂 I mean, I recognize her name, but honestly, I’m no expert on the matter either... 😬... honestly, everything always boils down to being his absolute biggest crisis, doesn't it? Like, every single little hiccup becomes this massive, world-ending catastrophe in his eyes... and you just know that the people actually dealing with real, heavy-duty struggles aren't going to say a word to him, because they’ll probably just stay quiet out of pity... assuming they’re actually human beings and not just empty vessels for constant whining and endless misery... ☕

Take the advice you saw above... seriously, just change up your rhythm... you’ve got to learn how to adapt on the fly... look, I’m not saying you need to overhaul your entire soul or turn into a completely different person overnight, but you can definitely shift your circumstances, or even the environment around you if things aren't clicking... just take it one step at a time, nice and slow... though if I were in your shoes, I’d make sure to emphasize that you aren't out there looking for new headaches or manufacturing drama, you're simply stepping up to deal with the problems that are already sitting right in front of you... 👍

Good luck with everything, and honestly, if I can give you a little bit of credit here, at least you aren't out there making life difficult for everyone else... you actually seem self-aware, which is more than I can say for most people these days, and you have this genuine desire to change things up because you're questioning the whole point of it all, or searching for some kind of meaning in this chaotic existence... seriously, much respect for that! 🙂
Self-criticism is just... it’s always there, isn't it? It’s like this constant, nagging background noise that follows you around from the moment you wake up until you finally pass out at night... and honestly, I feel like we all struggle with it more than we care to admit, even when we think we're being perfectly fine with ourselves. You know, you’ll be sitting there, maybe having a coffee in Seattle or just driving down some highway in the Midwest, and suddenly that little voice starts picking apart everything you did wrong today... every tiny mistake, every awkward word, every single thing that wasn't quite "perfect" enough... and it just keeps going and going and goes on forever... it's exhausting, really, just absolutely draining to live with that internal judge constantly hovering over your shoulder like a relentless supervisor at a Fortune 500 company who just can't find anything to praise... it's a cycle that feels almost impossible to break sometimes... 😁I mean, I was just thinking about how some people might find my "perfect" little life totally irritating... especially when you consider there are folks out there dealing with massive, heavy-duty struggles—real, crushing diagnoses—that make my minor inconveniences look like nothing at all, so I can see why they'd roll their eyes if I start acting like everything is sunshine and rainbows...
Look, I’m not the type of person to go looking for trouble or manufacture drama out of thin air—when a problem lands on my doorstep, I deal with it right then and there, no matter how much it hurts or how messy things get... I like to think I have my feet planted firmly on the ground, and I’ve always been pretty self-aware about where I fall short and where I actually shine, but this thing? This specific situation is absolutely gutting me. I’ve become an expert at masking it, too, so if you saw me walking down the street in Chicago or grabbing a coffee, you’d never guess I was spiraling because I hide it so damn well... but honestly, I can only keep up the act for so long before it starts eating me alive from the inside out. I refuse to keep wasting my life like this. These are supposed to be my prime years, the absolute best years of my life, yet instead of enjoying them, I just feel this overwhelming sense of disgust with everything...

Look, don't get me wrong, I can be a happy person too, I really can... I’m not just some constant, miserable grouch all the time, but honestly, the second a bad memory or a failure flashes through my mind, it’s like everything just collapses and my entire day is completely ruined... It happens so fast. And usually, when I'm spiraling like that, the last thing I want to do is dump my heavy mood on everyone else, so I just pull away and isolate myself, which is why I've become a bit of a hermit lately... My family can sense when I'm in one of those states, and they constantly try to force me to open up and talk about it, but no matter how much I try to explain, I still find myself holding back the details... I just don't want them worrying about me more than they already do...

I’m constantly trying to force myself out of those ruts I tend to fall into, you know, that repetitive cycle where everything just feels stuck...

Have you actually managed to silence that inner critic of yours yet?
Thanks so much for putting this all down 🙂

Not really, 😵 I suppose you can't teach an old dog new tricks 😬 ... one simply adapts to the old ways. It isn't quite possible; certain traits and core temperaments are essentially hardwired from birth, though I guess you can direct them or adjust them—perhaps amplifying or suppressing certain aspects here and there

I wouldn't even characterize it as a problem for myself, since I lived quite normally in my environment, provided we ignore those rather devastating traumas that served to amplify everything negative within and around me 😵

- And besides, worrying about other people's struggles doesn't diminish your own. Therein lies an example of redirecting self-criticism "to your advantage" 👍 ... you remain faithful to that critical nature, yet you learn to utilize it for your own benefit. I imagine that's fairly clear 😉

It is all quite maddening, really. It certainly isn't as easy or enjoyable as this "casual writing" might suggest. Everything requires a slow, steady carving—masterful work, much like sculpting stone, if one wants it to endure. Just consider how long those specific personality traits and psychological mechanisms have been being carved out since the moment you were born. One shouldn't set overly ambitious goals. Though, truth be told, I tend to hold both myself and others to very high standards, and because I am primarily focused on my own development, I perhaps overreach in my expectations and set the bar too high 😬 so I find myself wondering if I can manage to achieve even half of what I intend. Yet, by God, experience has shown me I was right; those expectations eventually manifest. One must arm oneself with patience and persistence 👍 and not forget the importance of empathy; one must show mercy to oneself in order to show mercy to others 🙂

lived🙂
I lost everything... everything. Or did I? in Psychology & Therapy ·
neontiger4 said:Look, you haven't blown anything. Seriously, nothing. It’s just one job that didn't work out. You aren't meant to love every single gig you land, and there's honestly no point in killing yourself over something you're clearly not cut out for.
Your guy is being your rock here—and he’s right. You’re going to bounce back, take some much-needed downtime, and that's that. And yeah, obviously you're going to lean on him; you shouldn't be heading home all miserable. That would just spiral you even further into a hole. Also, please stop stressing him out by constantly talking about leaving. You aren't really going to dump him just because you made one bad call (skipping your meds), right? You realized you messed up, went to see your doctor, and fixed it. End of story. Just wait for your medication to kick in; things will start looking a lot clearer. Tomorrow morning, just get up, tidy up the apartment, hit the grocery store, and whip up some lunch for both of you. Consider that a win for the both of you while you're recovering.
And seriously, change your username. If you're constantly reading posts by Jeffrey Mendoza4, you're just going to end up internalizing that whole "helpless" vibe.

Just swap the "help" for an "i" and call it "helplessness"😬
Everything looks good, but it's a bit too restless in Psychology & Therapy ·
Betty Morgan5 said:Hey there,

I guess I should start by listing all the good stuff in my life, because looking back, I don't really have any childhood traumas—not that I can recall, anyway—and my family is just wonderful, we all get along so well, they’re incredibly supportive, and honestly, I love spending time with them. In school and now at college, I’ve always been a top student, and socially, I’m pretty much the life of the party, I have tons of friends, though obviously just a few real ones who actually know the true me, and I think people enjoy being around me because I’m funny and easygoing, just an open book... and I’m truly grateful for all of that.
But even with all this perfection on paper, there’s this constant, restless agitation inside me that’s been there for years, and even right now, I feel like I could burst into tears for absolutely no reason at all. I wanted to write out a lot about my life here, hoping maybe someone could try to help or at least give me some perspective, because right now, I’m stuck seeing everything through my own narrow lens.

I’m 22, currently a college student.
I am brutally self-critical, like, pathologically so, and I’ve never actually felt proud of myself regardless of what I achieve. Last year, I was actually the top performer in my major, but I didn't even feel like I accomplished anything... I just feel like there’s always room for improvement, and it’s only in the last year that I’ve even tried to appreciate the present moment and realize that things can always go downhill. I’m never satisfied, especially not with how I look, and I honestly think I try to bury my insecurities about my appearance under layers of academic success.
I’m about 20 or 30 pounds overweight, which isn't a massive deal in the grand scheme of things since I'm within a "normal" range—you know, the kind of thing a lifestyle magazine might comment on—and I know if I just watched what I ate, my confidence would probably catch up with me, even though my self-esteem is currently hitting rock bottom, despite how well I hide it... but I’ve been cycling through diets for years, and once I finally hit a weight where I actually liked myself, I spiraled into so much stress and dissatisfaction that I just gained it all back.
I think, deep down, I’m using food to numb certain feelings, like the fact that I’m still really unsure about my orientation, or just the general sense of insecurity I carry about almost everything in life.

Because of this endless struggle with my weight, I’ve ended up missing out on so much—hanging out with friends, going out on the town, traveling... There’s always this nagging voice in my head telling me that if I don't look a certain way, I don't deserve to be happy, so I’ll get all dressed up for a night out, look in the mirror, feel disgusted with myself, and just cancel everything. It tells me nobody will ever want me, so why bother? That’s why I’ve never been in a relationship; I’ve had guys flirt with me, sure, but I always shut it down before anything develops because I just feel like I don't deserve it.
I don't even know the real reason why I do this to myself, but I’ve missed out on so many beautiful experiences and ended up feeling so isolated. And now, there’s this guy I actually like, mostly because he’s the complete opposite of me—he’s always smiling and just radiates this positive energy, though I have no idea if he even notices me yet, nothing has happened.
So now I’m just lying here in bed, laptop resting on me, staring at my legs and thinking about how terrible I look, and thinking about how I probably wouldn't be able to handle intimacy with anyone because I'm so unhappy with myself... I constantly feel like it’s better for people not to start a relationship with me, because as long as I’m like this, I’ll just end up bringing them down.

It drives me absolutely insane—internally, of course—when someone says something like, "Oh, you've filled out a bit," and I've dealt with those snide comments from random drunks at a bar and even from close relatives, and then even when someone tells me I look beautiful, I somehow convince myself there’s a hidden insult in it. I can take almost any sentence someone says and somehow link it back to my weight.
I have this toxic loop running in my head, and I know I have to break it, but I am just so exhausted from the dieting, the constant dissatisfaction, the loneliness, the endless responsibilities, the exams... I'm just tired of searching for that one thing that will finally make me feel at peace.
I was crying again tonight because I'm just so unhappy with myself, and now I can't even concentrate on studying for my exam; I've been biting my nails raw from the nerves, it’s just too much... something is eating me alive from the inside, and I just don't feel truly happy, and I really want to be, because isn't that supposed to be the whole point of living!?

Please, give me some advice, or just tell me how you see things.
I’m sorry if my problems seem small compared to what some of you might be going through, but this has been weighing on me for so long that I just had to see what would happen if I shared it here.

Thanks in advance! 🙂

Don't bother apologizing—that self-criticism of yours 🙂 well, I recognize it, and believe me, I am certainly no better 😬. Everyone’s struggles feel monumental to them... and I doubt people dealing with "bigger" issues will hold it against you... assuming they are actually human beings and not just sacks of misery ☕

That was solid advice above... try changing your pace... adapt. You don't necessarily have to overhaul your entire essence, but you can certainly shift your circumstances or even your environment... just take it slow, bit by bit. I would suggest framing it as though you aren't creating new complications, but rather resolving the ones already there 👍

Good luck. And if I may offer a small compliment regarding your dilemma: at least you aren't making life difficult for anyone else. You are self-aware, and you clearly have the desire to change something that, as you put it, makes you question whether there is any real meaning to life. Respect! 🙂
I lost everything... everything. Or did I? in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jeffrey Mendoza4 said:Thanks for all the input. I just have to finish out this notice period first, then everything should start looking up, I guess.

What I really need is a pink slip 😢 ... I’d probably find work immediately if I just had the option to quit again without all this hassle 😬

But then again, there's plenty of material here to work with... so;

It’s actually quite fascinating to me 🙂 how these supposedly "capable" individuals possess enough entrepreneurial spirit to somehow convince others to do their actual work for them. Then, presumably due to some sort of overwhelming surplus of competence, they begin whining and spreading such utter nonsense that they suddenly can't afford payroll, or how overhead is suffocating them—it's just a cycle of pure incompetence wrapped in a layer of self-pity and delusional complex lies.🤮
I lost everything... everything. Or did I? in Psychology & Therapy ·
Focus on minimalism and your core priorities. Just try to gather your strength bit by bit... slowly. Cut out all the nonsense and the external pressures... if I had done that from the very beginning, maybe navigating some of this garbage would have been much easier, but now, at most, I can only warn you about my own mistakes. Since you mentioned you feel broken—well, damn—everything is going to feel heavy. But you write with reason; you have a solid foundation to start over. It won’t be easy, obviously, but just stay persistent and take it one step at a time. The real question is what kind of character you possess and how you treat yourself. Try to get to know yourself amidst these unfortunate circumstances and, perhaps more importantly, try to be your own friend.

.. clearly... you need that more than ever. And honestly, who else are you going to trust if you can't even trust yourself? 👍
How to live with scars? in Psychology & Therapy ·
Larry Lewis said:and yet, here you are, poking at people struggling with their psychology—people who might not even have the mental capacity
trenutno vidjeti neke stvar?

IF I were doing that—which I am certainly not—then there would be no harm done because, as you put it, they "aren't capable of seeing" anything. 🙂 In other words, how exactly am I supposed to provoke someone who lacks the capacity for awareness in the first place..?

I’m actually gesturing toward general ignorance... social mass apathy... the herd mentality... 🙂 .. or perhaps those individuals who are either too bored with their own lives or simply lack the backbone to look in the mirror, so instead they project everything onto others and criticize, while failing to see themselves .. acting as if they aren't even part of this earthly existence.

p.s. I suppose anything can be interpreted as a provocation .. especially if one has the inclination to see it that way.🧐

Anthony Perez28 said:🤣

Give it a rest... this forum practically raised him, 😬 so why don't you just leave him alone, 🙂 Lawrence Bailey77😁

ban Anthony Perez28 😢 .. thanks for the permission to exist 😍 lol, honestly, I wasn't even aware we knew each other quite this well ..

.. I hadn't realized until this moment that I had been cured, let alone that I was ever ill.. or that this forum was my physician .. ?!

.. well, since I'm already here, I might as well join the stage production and play the role I never asked for and certainly didn't seek out, though I suppose when "cruel life" forces a part upon you (not including those people who are just bored and toy with others' problems, whether real or imagined, just to make their own lives more interesting) .. one should probably play it as convincingly as possible, shouldn't they? .. and then what .. you wait for the critical reaction .. and then .. well, that's just the role, lol, it's not the meaning of life.

what do you think, Altec .. am I being ungrateful .. to this "forum" which supposedly cured me 😉 and this is how I repay it .. I'm just terrible .. and apparently, we all know each other so intimately .. as if we grew up together on the same street, lol.😵

A little dose of reality wouldn't hurt. Good luck.👍
How to live with scars? in Psychology & Therapy ·
goldencanyon6 said:People are way too wrapped up in their own movies to notice anyone else's scars.

Coming from you, that's just a pathetic, hollow sentiment devoid of any actual substance or motive.👍
Does being an introvert make you prone to ghosting people? in Psychology & Therapy ·
So, if you actually intend to find some semblance of happiness given the current state of affairs and the company one is forced to keep, here are my personal observations;

-When people are spitting on you, you ought to embrace self-love; instead of feeling humiliated, perhaps you can view it as an opportunity to remain cheerful and simply wash your face.
-When you are being beaten, don't dwell on the sadness; rather, try to be grateful that they didn't kill you.
-And if you are killed, I suppose you should be glad they didn't beat you first—or if they did, at least you won't have to live with the consequences.

In this modern American society, being labeled a sociopath is, quite frankly, a compliment in my eyes! 🙂