148 posts shown.
silentcobra14 said:Hey everyone. 🙂
I'm 27. I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life. My childhood was pretty rough—lots of violence and abuse—and yeah, that left its mark on me.
Right now, I've got this specific issue weighing on me...
I’ve been seeing this amazing girl for about two or three months. Honestly, I'm incredibly happy with her, but some things are eating at me. She fell hard for me while she was still in a long-term relationship with someone else. She didn't cheat on him; she just confessed her feelings, they ended things, and then we started dating. At first, I wasn't sure if I should get involved because she meant so much to me as a friend and I didn't want to wreck her life, but eventually, I fell for her too. I couldn't stay away, so here we are.
Everything seems great on the surface. We hang out constantly, we talk all the time, the chemistry is incredible, and the sex has been the best I've ever had...
But lately, I've been hit with this massive wave of guilt, and it's triggering that depression I struggle with.
The guilt comes from the fact that she seems way more head-over-heels for me than I am for her. Look, I've been in love before, and it usually ends badly. Those past feelings felt much more intense than what I'm feeling right now. That's why I'm so confused.
I can't tell if this is just my depression acting up or something else entirely. In the past, I've spiraled into thinking I had some terminal illness or a brain tumor—stupid stuff like that. I'd get depressed over it even though a part of me knew I was being irrational.
Sometimes it feels like my body is actually craving the depression. It's like I subconsciously seek out dark thoughts, and once I start, I can't stop.
Things are perfect when she's around, but the second she leaves, I start questioning if I'm actually in love. I know I am, but then the doubt creeps in: Am I enough for her?
She walked away from her previous life for me, and now I'm just sitting here feeling insecure and lost. Just last week, I was spiraling, wondering if she still loved her ex or if she'd go back to him. It's exhausting. Even if everything I'm saying is true, it shouldn't be this hard. I'm feeling so low that I'm actually considering seeing a psychiatrist and starting medication.
Look... I know this sounds pathetic and probably gives some of you a headache to read, but if anyone has any real advice, I'm all ears.
Thanks. 🙂
David Watson8 said:To put it bluntly—using a bit of folksy wisdom—it’s been anything but smooth sailing. Life has essentially slapped me in the face a few too many times, and frankly, I’m just done with it all.
I struggle to see any real point in going through the motions. Right now, my job exists solely to cover the bills—that’s it. Even though I bring in a very solid income, I’m the only one in the house actually working. Despite that, I can't afford a single luxury—not even the small things. I can't go to the movies, for instance; the last time I went on a vacation was back in 2005.
When I get home, there isn't a shred of relief waiting for me. My husband stays buried in his hobbies, so the second I walk through the door, the housework starts—laundry, cooking, the whole routine.
We haven't shared a bed in nearly two years. He isn't working, nor is he making any real effort to find a job. Part of me feels almost encouraged to... well, let's say pursue an affair with a manager or someone in a position of authority if it meant bringing more money into the household. But then again, he’s made it quite clear that if I were to step out with some random guy, he’d kill me.
I’m stuck in this limbo where I don't know what to think, and the clock is ticking—we're both in our mid-40s.
David Watson8 said:The kids are grown up.
We married very young and had them one after another.
They live on their own now—working, studying, going about their lives.
What haunts me is what will happen to him, because he is entirely dependent on me.
We tried to separate once, and he spiraled into heavy drinking—calling me incessantly at all hours of the day and night.
I am afraid of him.
I'm afraid he might stalk me.
So, I don't know.
Everything feels jumbled and messy.
Which is why I feel like dying would be my best option.
It seems quite clear that I am simply incapable of living.
David Watson8 said:The kids are grown up.
We married very young and had them one after another.
They live on their own now—working, studying, going about their lives.
What haunts me is what will happen to him, because he is entirely dependent on me.
We tried to separate once, and he spiraled into heavy drinking—calling me incessantly at all hours of the day and night.
I am afraid of him.
I'm afraid he might stalk me.
So, I don't know.
Everything feels jumbled and messy.
Which is why I feel like dying would be my best option.
It seems quite clear that I am simply incapable of living.
Matthew Wilson50 said:I was just wondering what you all think about being antisocial—you know, people who just don't enjoy hanging out with others or going out on the town;
I’m 16 and a half now, and I’ve honestly never gone out to a club or even just grabbed a drink with friends. People still invite me whenever they go out, but I always turn them down. I guess I just don't find it appealing. I'm not really into smoking or drinking, and I don't particularly care for socializing like that. My parents give me a hard time sometimes, asking why I never want to go anywhere, lol, but I just don't feel comfortable in those settings. I can't really be myself there. I'd much rather stay home and watch a movie or something else.
So, is this normal? What’s your take on people like me? I know a lot of people don't really get why I am the way I am.
ps sorry if this is in the wrong section, I'm not quite sure where to post this.
stormycrane3 said:What led you to make a move like that? I guess, maybe, it’s a matter of self-confidence? Are you feeling a bit unsure of yourself? What exactly is holding you back from taking the leap? I wonder, what's your own take on yourself?
Dennis Adams said:So, look, everyone loves to preach about how honesty is this ultimate virtue... until someone actually pulls you aside and tells you straight up that you messed up. It’s easy to talk the talk when things are smooth, right? But personally, I have massive respect for friends who can just tell me when I’ve screwed up. When someone gives it to me straight, my respect for them just shoots up instantly. To me, that’s the real sign of a close bond. Then you’ve got those other types, though—people who’d much rather sugarcoat everything and wrap their words in velvet just to keep things "pleasant." It makes me wonder... have we all just become total emotional snowflakes? Like, if someone is just being blunt with you—not even trying to trash you in front of a crowd, just being real—do you immediately lose respect for them? For example, I honestly find myself respecting Donald Trump’s style way more because he’ll tell you exactly what’s on his mind. Compare that to Barack Obama, who acts all delicate and polished, saying everything so perfectly while who knows what he's actually thinking behind that calm exterior. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Donald Trump is some saint or a perfect guy, but when it comes to raw honesty, I’ll take that unrefined, blunt approach over a polished, high-society act any day of the week. What's your take on this? Which camp do you fall into? (And seriously, be honest)
Kyle Harris7 said:Look, everyone is their own universe. We all carry our own baggage and our own strengths. It’s a bit naive—not to mention a little depressing—to assume everyone is out to screw you over or dump you. Who knows? Maybe you'll actually find someone who sticks around and loves you unconditionally, where everything finally just clicks.
That goes for the author, too. If things aren't working out, let them go and move on. Give other people a shot at entering your life and proving that things can actually get better. 😉
ruggedraven37 said:I remember how happy I was on my own before this; I truly didn't feel like I needed anyone. Now, suddenly, I’m "dependent" on someone else. I honestly thought I could just handle my own issues as they came. I know, I know—bottling everything up isn't healthy and keeping people out doesn't help, but I just didn't want to burden anyone with my baggage. Part of it was also an attempt to be more self-reliant, to find a sense of independence so I wouldn't have to worry about whether someone only sticks around when things are going well. I didn't want to face any more disappointments. Anyway, the bottom line is that I've got an appointment with a therapist tomorrow through my insurance, and I just want to feel better, regardless of what happens. Thanks for all the advice. : )
ruggedraven37 said:Thank you all for the responses. I actually went to see a psychologist once, but I didn't tell her that my boyfriend was being abusive; I just said I was struggling with stress. She advised me to go to the ER, where there happened to be a psychiatrist on duty. It wasn't comfortable at all. I just kept crying and couldn't even explain what was happening or piece together a coherent story. I agree with everything the doctor told me, though. I have a feeling he saw right away that I'm terrified of the breakup and that if I don't, it'll be incredibly hard to leave him. He told me to come back if I had more trouble, but I didn't go back because I just felt so uneasy after that first visit.
When I’m feeling low, it's so hard to admit that what happened was actual abuse. There are days when I feel wonderful, and then I start thinking maybe I just imagined how bad things were. I’ve actually written down those depressive moments in a journal—what I was thinking and feeling—because I struggle to believe myself. Sometimes I doubt that those days were truly as dark as I recorded them.
I know I won't find a solution on a forum, but it feels easier to describe the situation here. Maybe I'll stumble upon some wise advice or an explanation for why I act this way. I think I'm a little scared to see a therapist; I really don't want to be put on medication, and I worry it won't even help. I'm also afraid a psychologist will judge me or expect me to feel better immediately, like they're just checking a box to finish their workday. I don't even know how to work on my self-esteem—I'll look for that in another thread. I figure if I improve my confidence, I might finally be able to stop replying to his messages. But just thinking about never responding to him makes me feel so incredibly alone. I often think that nobody understands me quite like he does, and that I'll never meet anyone else like him. Andrew Doyle, I am such a mess... trying to sort through these emotions, I feel everything at once, but mostly just a deep regret that I have to fight through this entirely on my own.
As for my parents, we've never been that close. They actually see the whole thing for what it is—they know he's a jerk. But they think I'm a liar because after certain outbursts, I'd end up seeing him again while telling them it was over. I guess it was just so hard to be alone and I had no one to talk to. After everything he put me through, he was the one comforting me. Now, when I think back on it, I start thinking about how "good" he was. He helped me so much when I was venting about how lonely and out of place I felt at home. The guy who was calling me names and threatening me just a few days ago is now the one consoling me because I'm struggling with the aftermath of his own behavior. Who is the crazy one here? I think I stayed because, in those moments, it truly felt like he was helping me. I wonder if he wasn't even there just so I wouldn't break. My parents just attacked me; they expected it to be easy to walk away from someone I've put on such a pedestal. I used to be so insecure, and he was the only person I felt close to, even if I thought I was close to my girlfriends. With him, it was just us, and he pulls you into his own insecurities until he starts insulting you. You don't expect that from someone you love; instead, you find yourself making excuses for them. He insults you and then comforts you, and you just fall deeper into the trap because there's no one else close enough to help.
Why do I feel so secure with someone even after they act like this, knowing it will happen again? Why can't I just say enough? If only he would be the one to say it, everything would be so much easier. Who else feels this way?? Yes, I am scared to go to a psychologist in some way.
ruggedraven37 said:Thank you all for the responses. I actually went to see a psychologist once, but I didn't tell her that my boyfriend was being abusive; I just said I was struggling with stress. She advised me to go to the ER, where there happened to be a psychiatrist on duty. It wasn't comfortable at all. I just kept crying and couldn't even explain what was happening or piece together a coherent story. I agree with everything the doctor told me, though. I have a feeling he saw right away that I'm terrified of the breakup and that if I don't, it'll be incredibly hard to leave him. He told me to come back if I had more trouble, but I didn't go back because I just felt so uneasy after that first visit.
When I’m feeling low, it's so hard to admit that what happened was actual abuse. There are days when I feel wonderful, and then I start thinking maybe I just imagined how bad things were. I’ve actually written down those depressive moments in a journal—what I was thinking and feeling—because I struggle to believe myself. Sometimes I doubt that those days were truly as dark as I recorded them.
I know I won't find a solution on a forum, but it feels easier to describe the situation here. Maybe I'll stumble upon some wise advice or an explanation for why I act this way. I think I'm a little scared to see a therapist; I really don't want to be put on medication, and I worry it won't even help. I'm also afraid a psychologist will judge me or expect me to feel better immediately, like they're just checking a box to finish their workday. I don't even know how to work on my self-esteem—I'll look for that in another thread. I figure if I improve my confidence, I might finally be able to stop replying to his messages. But just thinking about never responding to him makes me feel so incredibly alone. I often think that nobody understands me quite like he does, and that I'll never meet anyone else like him. Andrew Doyle, I am such a mess... trying to sort through these emotions, I feel everything at once, but mostly just a deep regret that I have to fight through this entirely on my own.
As for my parents, we've never been that close. They actually see the whole thing for what it is—they know he's a jerk. But they think I'm a liar because after certain outbursts, I'd end up seeing him again while telling them it was over. I guess it was just so hard to be alone and I had no one to talk to. After everything he put me through, he was the one comforting me. Now, when I think back on it, I start thinking about how "good" he was. He helped me so much when I was venting about how lonely and out of place I felt at home. The guy who was calling me names and threatening me just a few days ago is now the one consoling me because I'm struggling with the aftermath of his own behavior. Who is the crazy one here? I think I stayed because, in those moments, it truly felt like he was helping me. I wonder if he wasn't even there just so I wouldn't break. My parents just attacked me; they expected it to be easy to walk away from someone I've put on such a pedestal. I used to be so insecure, and he was the only person I felt close to, even if I thought I was close to my girlfriends. With him, it was just us, and he pulls you into his own insecurities until he starts insulting you. You don't expect that from someone you love; instead, you find yourself making excuses for them. He insults you and then comforts you, and you just fall deeper into the trap because there's no one else close enough to help.
Why do I feel so secure with someone even after they act like this, knowing it will happen again? Why can't I just say enough? If only he would be the one to say it, everything would be so much easier. Who else feels this way?? Yes, I am scared to go to a psychologist in some way.
ruggedraven37 said:Thank you all for the responses. I actually went to see a psychologist once, but I didn't tell her that my boyfriend was being abusive; I just said I was struggling with stress. She advised me to go to the ER, where there happened to be a psychiatrist on duty. It wasn't comfortable at all. I just kept crying and couldn't even explain what was happening or piece together a coherent story. I agree with everything the doctor told me, though. I have a feeling he saw right away that I'm terrified of the breakup and that if I don't, it'll be incredibly hard to leave him. He told me to come back if I had more trouble, but I didn't go back because I just felt so uneasy after that first visit.
When I’m feeling low, it's so hard to admit that what happened was actual abuse. There are days when I feel wonderful, and then I start thinking maybe I just imagined how bad things were. I’ve actually written down those depressive moments in a journal—what I was thinking and feeling—because I struggle to believe myself. Sometimes I doubt that those days were truly as dark as I recorded them.
I know I won't find a solution on a forum, but it feels easier to describe the situation here. Maybe I'll stumble upon some wise advice or an explanation for why I act this way. I think I'm a little scared to see a therapist; I really don't want to be put on medication, and I worry it won't even help. I'm also afraid a psychologist will judge me or expect me to feel better immediately, like they're just checking a box to finish their workday. I don't even know how to work on my self-esteem—I'll look for that in another thread. I figure if I improve my confidence, I might finally be able to stop replying to his messages. But just thinking about never responding to him makes me feel so incredibly alone. I often think that nobody understands me quite like he does, and that I'll never meet anyone else like him. Andrew Doyle, I am such a mess... trying to sort through these emotions, I feel everything at once, but mostly just a deep regret that I have to fight through this entirely on my own.
As for my parents, we've never been that close. They actually see the whole thing for what it is—they know he's a jerk. But they think I'm a liar because after certain outbursts, I'd end up seeing him again while telling them it was over. I guess it was just so hard to be alone and I had no one to talk to. After everything he put me through, he was the one comforting me. Now, when I think back on it, I start thinking about how "good" he was. He helped me so much when I was venting about how lonely and out of place I felt at home. The guy who was calling me names and threatening me just a few days ago is now the one consoling me because I'm struggling with the aftermath of his own behavior. Who is the crazy one here? I think I stayed because, in those moments, it truly felt like he was helping me. I wonder if he wasn't even there just so I wouldn't break. My parents just attacked me; they expected it to be easy to walk away from someone I've put on such a pedestal. I used to be so insecure, and he was the only person I felt close to, even if I thought I was close to my girlfriends. With him, it was just us, and he pulls you into his own insecurities until he starts insulting you. You don't expect that from someone you love; instead, you find yourself making excuses for them. He insults you and then comforts you, and you just fall deeper into the trap because there's no one else close enough to help.
Why do I feel so secure with someone even after they act like this, knowing it will happen again? Why can't I just say enough? If only he would be the one to say it, everything would be so much easier. Who else feels this way?? Yes, I am scared to go to a psychologist in some way.
ruggedraven37 said:Thank you all for the responses. I actually went to see a psychologist once, but I didn't tell her that my boyfriend was being abusive; I just said I was struggling with stress. She advised me to go to the ER, where there happened to be a psychiatrist on duty. It wasn't comfortable at all. I just kept crying and couldn't even explain what was happening or piece together a coherent story. I agree with everything the doctor told me, though. I have a feeling he saw right away that I'm terrified of the breakup and that if I don't, it'll be incredibly hard to leave him. He told me to come back if I had more trouble, but I didn't go back because I just felt so uneasy after that first visit.
When I’m feeling low, it's so hard to admit that what happened was actual abuse. There are days when I feel wonderful, and then I start thinking maybe I just imagined how bad things were. I’ve actually written down those depressive moments in a journal—what I was thinking and feeling—because I struggle to believe myself. Sometimes I doubt that those days were truly as dark as I recorded them.
I know I won't find a solution on a forum, but it feels easier to describe the situation here. Maybe I'll stumble upon some wise advice or an explanation for why I act this way. I think I'm a little scared to see a therapist; I really don't want to be put on medication, and I worry it won't even help. I'm also afraid a psychologist will judge me or expect me to feel better immediately, like they're just checking a box to finish their workday. I don't even know how to work on my self-esteem—I'll look for that in another thread. I figure if I improve my confidence, I might finally be able to stop replying to his messages. But just thinking about never responding to him makes me feel so incredibly alone. I often think that nobody understands me quite like he does, and that I'll never meet anyone else like him. Andrew Doyle, I am such a mess... trying to sort through these emotions, I feel everything at once, but mostly just a deep regret that I have to fight through this entirely on my own.
As for my parents, we've never been that close. They actually see the whole thing for what it is—they know he's a jerk. But they think I'm a liar because after certain outbursts, I'd end up seeing him again while telling them it was over. I guess it was just so hard to be alone and I had no one to talk to. After everything he put me through, he was the one comforting me. Now, when I think back on it, I start thinking about how "good" he was. He helped me so much when I was venting about how lonely and out of place I felt at home. The guy who was calling me names and threatening me just a few days ago is now the one consoling me because I'm struggling with the aftermath of his own behavior. Who is the crazy one here? I think I stayed because, in those moments, it truly felt like he was helping me. I wonder if he wasn't even there just so I wouldn't break. My parents just attacked me; they expected it to be easy to walk away from someone I've put on such a pedestal. I used to be so insecure, and he was the only person I felt close to, even if I thought I was close to my girlfriends. With him, it was just us, and he pulls you into his own insecurities until he starts insulting you. You don't expect that from someone you love; instead, you find yourself making excuses for them. He insults you and then comforts you, and you just fall deeper into the trap because there's no one else close enough to help.
Why do I feel so secure with someone even after they act like this, knowing it will happen again? Why can't I just say enough? If only he would be the one to say it, everything would be so much easier. Who else feels this way?? Yes, I am scared to go to a psychologist in some way.
ruggedraven37 said:I know what’s causing my depression. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I recognize the signs in myself based on everything I've read and heard from others. My main struggle right now is this: why can't I just admit to myself that I was in an abusive relationship, close that chapter, and finally move on?
He insulted me, harassed me, and we had physical fights that required the police to get involved. I’m a sensitive person, and all of this has shaken me to my core. I’ve definitely had nervous breakdowns, and looking back, I think it's fair to say I'm dealing with some mental health struggles. The thing is, I haven't actually ended things yet. During the relationship, I lost my friends, and when my family tried to help, they didn't always handle it well—they mostly just blamed me for letting it happen. I've been fighting this battle entirely on my own, and now I want to fix it once and for all. Even though I know exactly how he treated me, I still can't stop reaching out to him. Sometimes I just contact him to tell him to leave me alone, and it gives me a temporary sense of relief. I know my self-esteem is shot, but why can't I just say "enough" after everything he put me through? I refuse to admit I was in such a toxic relationship because I loved him too much. Why am I still talking about a person who mentally destroyed me and pushed me to the brink of insanity? I keep telling myself this shouldn't have happened to me. I suppress the reality of his actions until I almost forget, and then I find myself thinking maybe he’s changed—even though I know he hasn't.
It's clear from my posts that I'm struggling deeply with self-respect. I'm saying this upfront so the "know-it-alls" don't jump in to lecture me about things they've never experienced or call me stupid. I never thought I'd let anyone treat me like this, but I guess I'm just vulnerable. I was searching for a sense of security that I was terrified to lose, and out of pure shame, I kept it all a secret. I won't be able to move forward unless I end this relationship for good, but I don't know how to reach the point where I truly realize he isn't for me. I need to see that he isn't my safety net. I need to reach a place where I genuinely want to leave, rather than staying and later regretting what I could have had—knowing deep down I'll end up with nothing. I know I'm being contradictory. If anyone here understands this feeling, I would be so grateful for any advice on how to build my strength, cut ties forever, and finally feel nothing for him.
Ending the relationship is the first step toward feeling better.
Kate Jackson9 said:You aren't stupid.
You definitely aren't alone in this either—those kinds of relationships happen all too often (which is why people even talk about Stockholm Syndrome as an extreme version of that dynamic).
You're spot on about struggling with your self-esteem. That is something you should work on if you can, ideally with some professional help—like a therapist or a psychologist (don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of that; just like you wouldn't try to set a broken leg by yourself, some mental health struggles are incredibly hard to navigate without expert guidance).
In the end, you'll be much happier with yourself, and you'll be so glad you aren't in that situation anymore. You have to realize that someone who hits you or mistreats you really should have sought professional help a long time ago (and the police could have stepped in, too). They likely deal with things like schizophrenia, BPD, or other conditions, but it isn't your job to fix them, nor can you—it's entirely up to their own will. And please, don't blame yourself for feeling like you need to leave him; people walk away from relationships over much smaller issues than this.
Some life lessons come at a high price, but they are worth it... keep your head up! 👍
It shouldn't be viewed in such black and white terms.
Often, people simply don't understand what someone else is going through, but that doesn't mean they don't want to help!
ruggedraven37 said:I know what’s causing my depression. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I recognize the signs in myself based on everything I've read and heard from others. My main struggle right now is this: why can't I just admit to myself that I was in an abusive relationship, close that chapter, and finally move on?
He insulted me, harassed me, and we had physical fights that required the police to get involved. I’m a sensitive person, and all of this has shaken me to my core. I’ve definitely had nervous breakdowns, and looking back, I think it's fair to say I'm dealing with some mental health struggles. The thing is, I haven't actually ended things yet. During the relationship, I lost my friends, and when my family tried to help, they didn't always handle it well—they mostly just blamed me for letting it happen. I've been fighting this battle entirely on my own, and now I want to fix it once and for all. Even though I know exactly how he treated me, I still can't stop reaching out to him. Sometimes I just contact him to tell him to leave me alone, and it gives me a temporary sense of relief. I know my self-esteem is shot, but why can't I just say "enough" after everything he put me through? I refuse to admit I was in such a toxic relationship because I loved him too much. Why am I still talking about a person who mentally destroyed me and pushed me to the brink of insanity? I keep telling myself this shouldn't have happened to me. I suppress the reality of his actions until I almost forget, and then I find myself thinking maybe he’s changed—even though I know he hasn't.
It's clear from my posts that I'm struggling deeply with self-respect. I'm saying this upfront so the "know-it-alls" don't jump in to lecture me about things they've never experienced or call me stupid. I never thought I'd let anyone treat me like this, but I guess I'm just vulnerable. I was searching for a sense of security that I was terrified to lose, and out of pure shame, I kept it all a secret. I won't be able to move forward unless I end this relationship for good, but I don't know how to reach the point where I truly realize he isn't for me. I need to see that he isn't my safety net. I need to reach a place where I genuinely want to leave, rather than staying and later regretting what I could have had—knowing deep down I'll end up with nothing. I know I'm being contradictory. If anyone here understands this feeling, I would be so grateful for any advice on how to build my strength, cut ties forever, and finally feel nothing for him.
Ending the relationship is the first step toward feeling better.
ruggedraven37 said:I know what’s causing my depression. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I recognize the signs in myself based on everything I've read and heard from others. My main struggle right now is this: why can't I just admit to myself that I was in an abusive relationship, close that chapter, and finally move on?
He insulted me, harassed me, and we had physical fights that required the police to get involved. I’m a sensitive person, and all of this has shaken me to my core. I’ve definitely had nervous breakdowns, and looking back, I think it's fair to say I'm dealing with some mental health struggles. The thing is, I haven't actually ended things yet. During the relationship, I lost my friends, and when my family tried to help, they didn't always handle it well—they mostly just blamed me for letting it happen. I've been fighting this battle entirely on my own, and now I want to fix it once and for all. Even though I know exactly how he treated me, I still can't stop reaching out to him. Sometimes I just contact him to tell him to leave me alone, and it gives me a temporary sense of relief. I know my self-esteem is shot, but why can't I just say "enough" after everything he put me through? I refuse to admit I was in such a toxic relationship because I loved him too much. Why am I still talking about a person who mentally destroyed me and pushed me to the brink of insanity? I keep telling myself this shouldn't have happened to me. I suppress the reality of his actions until I almost forget, and then I find myself thinking maybe he’s changed—even though I know he hasn't.
It's clear from my posts that I'm struggling deeply with self-respect. I'm saying this upfront so the "know-it-alls" don't jump in to lecture me about things they've never experienced or call me stupid. I never thought I'd let anyone treat me like this, but I guess I'm just vulnerable. I was searching for a sense of security that I was terrified to lose, and out of pure shame, I kept it all a secret. I won't be able to move forward unless I end this relationship for good, but I don't know how to reach the point where I truly realize he isn't for me. I need to see that he isn't my safety net. I need to reach a place where I genuinely want to leave, rather than staying and later regretting what I could have had—knowing deep down I'll end up with nothing. I know I'm being contradictory. If anyone here understands this feeling, I would be so grateful for any advice on how to build my strength, cut ties forever, and finally feel nothing for him.
Ending the relationship is the first step toward feeling better.
ruggedraven37 said:I know what’s causing my depression. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I recognize the signs in myself based on everything I've read and heard from others. My main struggle right now is this: why can't I just admit to myself that I was in an abusive relationship, close that chapter, and finally move on?
He insulted me, harassed me, and we had physical fights that required the police to get involved. I’m a sensitive person, and all of this has shaken me to my core. I’ve definitely had nervous breakdowns, and looking back, I think it's fair to say I'm dealing with some mental health struggles. The thing is, I haven't actually ended things yet. During the relationship, I lost my friends, and when my family tried to help, they didn't always handle it well—they mostly just blamed me for letting it happen. I've been fighting this battle entirely on my own, and now I want to fix it once and for all. Even though I know exactly how he treated me, I still can't stop reaching out to him. Sometimes I just contact him to tell him to leave me alone, and it gives me a temporary sense of relief. I know my self-esteem is shot, but why can't I just say "enough" after everything he put me through? I refuse to admit I was in such a toxic relationship because I loved him too much. Why am I still talking about a person who mentally destroyed me and pushed me to the brink of insanity? I keep telling myself this shouldn't have happened to me. I suppress the reality of his actions until I almost forget, and then I find myself thinking maybe he’s changed—even though I know he hasn't.
It's clear from my posts that I'm struggling deeply with self-respect. I'm saying this upfront so the "know-it-alls" don't jump in to lecture me about things they've never experienced or call me stupid. I never thought I'd let anyone treat me like this, but I guess I'm just vulnerable. I was searching for a sense of security that I was terrified to lose, and out of pure shame, I kept it all a secret. I won't be able to move forward unless I end this relationship for good, but I don't know how to reach the point where I truly realize he isn't for me. I need to see that he isn't my safety net. I need to reach a place where I genuinely want to leave, rather than staying and later regretting what I could have had—knowing deep down I'll end up with nothing. I know I'm being contradictory. If anyone here understands this feeling, I would be so grateful for any advice on how to build my strength, cut ties forever, and finally feel nothing for him.
Ending the relationship is the first step toward feeling better.
Patrick Miller3 said:The real question is this: can people actually change their fundamental nature?
Why is a scorpion always going to be a scorpion, and why is a frog always just a frog?
David Ramos4 said:First of all, thank you all so much for the advice and support.
I should clarify that lately, purging hasn't been the main issue;
rather, it's an obsession with food and binge eating.
Purging was happening because of feelings of rejection and my own restlessness
and internal anxiety. Occasionally, guilt would surface,
but not nearly as much as everything else tied to external factors
like the inability to resolve my own inner turmoil.
Last year, I tried to transfer to another city where my sister goes to school,
but because of my financial situation (I would have had to pay tuition or whatever they call it there, whereas here I study for free). What is worst of all, and what eats at me day after day, is the fact that I can't concentrate or study because my parents are constantly in my head, and I worry about how much money they are giving me just so I can become someone—basically, so I can get my life together.
I don't know what to tell you; it was the same situation again this morning. Right now, I'm living in an apartment
where I don't feel comfortable. My roommate is not my type; she brings so much negative energy into my life.
The problem is that I've forgotten what it feels like to live and actually have inner peace.
David Ramos4 said:Hi..
I've been thinking about joining this forum for days now. It seems everyone here is actually engaged and offers real advice. I’m looking for some honest, objective perspective and advice...
I'm a college student who moved out at fourteen. I lived in a dorm and life was pretty carefree until I turned eighteen, when one specific event changed everything. That's when the struggle with weight began. There were periods where I worked out constantly and watched every bite, followed by phases where I would spiral and overeat until I hit a breaking point of physical discomfort and total self-loathing. Later, I moved to a different city for university and started a completely new life. That’s when the loneliness, isolation, and anxiety set in. I thought I was someone who could adapt to anything, so I assumed this was just a passing phase. But the days passed, and my dissatisfaction only grew. I hated the city I moved to; I went to class, but only because I felt I had to distract myself from my own head. Then came the first episodes of purging and crying. I remember it vividly. On my birthday, sitting alone in the kitchen, listening to music and just weeping... then suddenly heading to the bathroom to purge. That lasted three months. The worst part was going home to visit family and having to hide in the bathroom, trying to purge quietly to mask my frustration. I never told them anything; they always had such high expectations of me. When I told my mom I wanted to drop out of school, take a gap year, and figure things out, she just called me a coward for giving up before even trying. Everything shifted again after winter break. I started exercising again, tried to be social, and focused on my studies. My confidence returned. A month later, through a series of events, I moved into an apartment with a roommate, found a boyfriend, and things seemed to improve. As the days went by, I lost weight. I went from 150 lbs down to 136 lbs in four months. It wasn't just diet; I was obsessed with working out. My roommate actually told me she was worried because it looked like I was starving myself. She even mentioned anorexia a few times. I wasn't aiming for that; I just finally felt good about myself. Eventually, I broke up with my boyfriend, moved out due to the distance, and took a summer job. I met new people, a new guy, and fell back into a routine without the exercise. In fact, I started binge eating constantly, though I didn't care at the time. Within a few months, the weight was back—from 135 up to 150. Summer ended, I broke up with the guy because I wanted something serious and he didn't, and all those "friends" I met over the summer vanished; they were just acquaintances. I spiraled right back into the cycle of binging and purging. I'd go to the grocery store, buy nothing but junk food, gorge myself, and then purge multiple times in a single day. For the entire month of December, I didn't attend lectures or see anyone; I just ate and stayed shut in. My daily routine was waking up (praying I wouldn't), hitting a bakery, interacting only virtually because I'm terrified of being judged by people, eating, and occasionally purging amidst feelings of sadness, disappointment, and anxiety. My grades tanked; I really let myself down. During the holidays, I practically stuffed myself constantly. I was eating every thirty minutes if not less. I hit 170 lbs. Whenever my mom or anyone at home asks what's wrong, I stay silent and pretend everything is fine. The words just won't come out. Now, I have no energy left, and I know I'm responsible for this. Sometimes suicidal thoughts cross my mind because I feel like I can't open up to anyone. I see the negative in everything. I joined a gym two days ago, but I have zero motivation. I find myself reading about different ways to end it online, wishing I had the courage to do it so I wouldn't have to worry about my parents. I have no will to live. Please, if you can give me any advice. I know killing myself or grieving every day isn't the solution, but I'm just exhausted. I don't know what's happening to me; it feels like I'm running in circles. I'm fighting myself every day, and I'm genuinely scared I might do something drastic. I've reached for pills twice, but I stopped because of the sheer panic and the "what if I survive" feeling. I don't have friends I can talk to, and even if I did, I don't think I'm good company. I can't even bring myself to laugh sincerely anymore. I thought about seeking professional help, but my current roommate's brother works at the local psychiatric hospital, which is the only facility in my city, and I'm too ashamed to go there. Maybe a campus counselor? I am so ashamed of myself. My self-esteem is at zero. Everything is a struggle, and I don't know how to find motivation when I can't even stand myself.
Please help. I would be truly grateful to everyone. 😢
David Ramos4 said:Hi..
I've been thinking about joining this forum for days now. It seems everyone here is actually engaged and offers real advice. I’m looking for some honest, objective perspective and advice...
I'm a college student who moved out at fourteen. I lived in a dorm and life was pretty carefree until I turned eighteen, when one specific event changed everything. That's when the struggle with weight began. There were periods where I worked out constantly and watched every bite, followed by phases where I would spiral and overeat until I hit a breaking point of physical discomfort and total self-loathing. Later, I moved to a different city for university and started a completely new life. That’s when the loneliness, isolation, and anxiety set in. I thought I was someone who could adapt to anything, so I assumed this was just a passing phase. But the days passed, and my dissatisfaction only grew. I hated the city I moved to; I went to class, but only because I felt I had to distract myself from my own head. Then came the first episodes of purging and crying. I remember it vividly. On my birthday, sitting alone in the kitchen, listening to music and just weeping... then suddenly heading to the bathroom to purge. That lasted three months. The worst part was going home to visit family and having to hide in the bathroom, trying to purge quietly to mask my frustration. I never told them anything; they always had such high expectations of me. When I told my mom I wanted to drop out of school, take a gap year, and figure things out, she just called me a coward for giving up before even trying. Everything shifted again after winter break. I started exercising again, tried to be social, and focused on my studies. My confidence returned. A month later, through a series of events, I moved into an apartment with a roommate, found a boyfriend, and things seemed to improve. As the days went by, I lost weight. I went from 150 lbs down to 136 lbs in four months. It wasn't just diet; I was obsessed with working out. My roommate actually told me she was worried because it looked like I was starving myself. She even mentioned anorexia a few times. I wasn't aiming for that; I just finally felt good about myself. Eventually, I broke up with my boyfriend, moved out due to the distance, and took a summer job. I met new people, a new guy, and fell back into a routine without the exercise. In fact, I started binge eating constantly, though I didn't care at the time. Within a few months, the weight was back—from 135 up to 150. Summer ended, I broke up with the guy because I wanted something serious and he didn't, and all those "friends" I met over the summer vanished; they were just acquaintances. I spiraled right back into the cycle of binging and purging. I'd go to the grocery store, buy nothing but junk food, gorge myself, and then purge multiple times in a single day. For the entire month of December, I didn't attend lectures or see anyone; I just ate and stayed shut in. My daily routine was waking up (praying I wouldn't), hitting a bakery, interacting only virtually because I'm terrified of being judged by people, eating, and occasionally purging amidst feelings of sadness, disappointment, and anxiety. My grades tanked; I really let myself down. During the holidays, I practically stuffed myself constantly. I was eating every thirty minutes if not less. I hit 170 lbs. Whenever my mom or anyone at home asks what's wrong, I stay silent and pretend everything is fine. The words just won't come out. Now, I have no energy left, and I know I'm responsible for this. Sometimes suicidal thoughts cross my mind because I feel like I can't open up to anyone. I see the negative in everything. I joined a gym two days ago, but I have zero motivation. I find myself reading about different ways to end it online, wishing I had the courage to do it so I wouldn't have to worry about my parents. I have no will to live. Please, if you can give me any advice. I know killing myself or grieving every day isn't the solution, but I'm just exhausted. I don't know what's happening to me; it feels like I'm running in circles. I'm fighting myself every day, and I'm genuinely scared I might do something drastic. I've reached for pills twice, but I stopped because of the sheer panic and the "what if I survive" feeling. I don't have friends I can talk to, and even if I did, I don't think I'm good company. I can't even bring myself to laugh sincerely anymore. I thought about seeking professional help, but my current roommate's brother works at the local psychiatric hospital, which is the only facility in my city, and I'm too ashamed to go there. Maybe a campus counselor? I am so ashamed of myself. My self-esteem is at zero. Everything is a struggle, and I don't know how to find motivation when I can't even stand myself.
Please help. I would be truly grateful to everyone. 😢
crimsonbadger25 said:Hey. I'm 18. My issue is that I have absolutely no clue what to do with my life—honestly, there are moments where I regret even being alive. I know people say I'm young, but it feels like I've already seen everything there is to see; I'm just bored with existence. Nothing fulfills me. I’m stuck in a constant state of depression, and even when I stumble upon something that actually sparks my interest, it loses its charm within a day or two. My opinions shift constantly, and frankly, I feel completely lost. On top of that, I've been struggling with social interaction for a few years now—I can't even look someone in the eye or hold a conversation without this intense wave of anxiety hitting me. I've even had suicidal thoughts, mostly because I feel like nobody would even notice if I were gone—it's like I don't impact anyone, and no one truly sees me. I probably just look like a loser to everyone else. I used to be fine, but this state of mind has been my reality for three years now, and I am genuinely at a loss. I don't know if I need to see a psychiatrist or if I'm dealing with some kind of clinical disorder (?). Please, just whatever you do, don't tell me "it's just a phase" or give me the "you're young, you'll grow out of it" speech... because I know it isn't. I know exactly how I feel. I'm posting this here because I didn't know where else to turn, though maybe a psychiatric clinic really is my best bet. 😢
Thanks in advance for any advice or input you can offer.
Also, sometimes my fantasies serve as an escape from reality—movies or music act as a way to check out. I spend a lot of time daydreaming and living in my own head, wondering "what if," but maybe that isn't the real problem since it actually helps me relax...
Jeremy Roberts5 said:I never said I wanted to start out as some big director or anything; that’s not even on my radar. I just want a steady job with a regular paycheck... As for the education side of things, there isn't much I can do because I already missed that window. Even if I did another year to finish some program, I still wouldn't have the formal degree or the "paperwork" to show for it, so what's the point? It's like being a doctor without the credentials; nobody cares if you have the skills if you don't have the certificate. I looked into those vocational training programs at the local unemployment office, but people who finished them told me they didn't help either—they're still unemployed. So, it feels like a dead end. And regarding starting a family, I think you're wrong for several reasons. Just because you *can* have kids at 60 doesn't mean it's smart. I have to consider if I'll even live long enough to see them grow up, or if a partner could even handle a pregnancy at that age (since I won't be finding someone twenty years younger). Plus, by forty, I should probably have had my first girlfriend by then 😢 ... and I'm not sure being socially isolated is an advantage; for a lot of jobs, you actually need to be a people person, and I'm definitely not that type...
Jeremy Roberts5 said:I never said I wanted to start out as some big director or anything; that’s not even on my radar. I just want a steady job with a regular paycheck... As for the education side of things, there isn't much I can do because I already missed that window. Even if I did another year to finish some program, I still wouldn't have the formal degree or the "paperwork" to show for it, so what's the point? It's like being a doctor without the credentials; nobody cares if you have the skills if you don't have the certificate. I looked into those vocational training programs at the local unemployment office, but people who finished them told me they didn't help either—they're still unemployed. So, it feels like a dead end. And regarding starting a family, I think you're wrong for several reasons. Just because you *can* have kids at 60 doesn't mean it's smart. I have to consider if I'll even live long enough to see them grow up, or if a partner could even handle a pregnancy at that age (since I won't be finding someone twenty years younger). Plus, by forty, I should probably have had my first girlfriend by then 😢 ... and I'm not sure being socially isolated is an advantage; for a lot of jobs, you actually need to be a people person, and I'm definitely not that type...
Jeremy Roberts5 said:I'm aware of all that (up until two months ago, I worked six months doing this thankless under-the-table job, but clearly I don't have a choice and have to take whatever 🙄 ) I always have to set something aside; I spend my whole life sacrificing things, but for what? I only have until I'm 30, and if I don't start a family then—meaning a wife and kids later on—it's likely I won't have one at all, and I'll spend my entire life alone (because I definitely don't want to be anywhere near "my family," meaning my parents and brother)
Jeremy Roberts5 said:I'm aware of all that (up until two months ago, I worked six months doing this thankless under-the-table job, but clearly I don't have a choice and have to take whatever 🙄 ) I always have to set something aside; I spend my whole life sacrificing things, but for what? I only have until I'm 30, and if I don't start a family then—meaning a wife and kids later on—it's likely I won't have one at all, and I'll spend my entire life alone (because I definitely don't want to be anywhere near "my family," meaning my parents and brother)
ruggedheron10 said:Hey man, if you're looking to get out there, I’d really suggest joining some kind of local group—maybe a volunteer fire department, a choir, a hiking club, or even a cycling crew. Just hit up free community events and local meetups whenever you can. You need to find a hobby that actually makes you happy. Just keep your eyes on the prize and be PERSISTENT—seriously, stay relentless. It pays off in the long run. Also, check out this book: *Think Big in Life and Business and Crush It*.
Hannah Morris4 said:I wasn't necessarily talking about finding a girlfriend or starting a romance, but more about friendship, I guess. Like I mentioned before, it’s incredibly important that you don't feel isolated in all this, and you admitted yourself that you have this intense need to talk to someone, to open up, which is usually easiest when it's with a stranger—someone who doesn't know your history yet. For most people, it's easier to be vulnerable with a stranger because you aren't weighed down by what they already think of you or everything they already know about your life. I know it happens all the time where you meet someone great online who lives halfway across the country, but that isn't really the issue since support is support, whether you're talking via email or sitting face-to-face. My best friend lives hundreds of miles away, yet he's my biggest support system and one of the most vital people in my life. In times like these, I suppose one can actually be grateful for the internet. Besides, I don't know about you, but I personally find it much easier to communicate through email than in person; it’s just simpler to express certain thoughts that way. The main thing is just getting it out of your system. Write to someone, keep a journal, start a blog, whatever—just write, every day, ten times a day if you have to, just vent, because it might make things feel a little lighter, at least for a moment.