And I feel the same way, dear... I wasn't talking about you... 😊 Unknown brought up a decent point, but let's be honest, a lounge bar is just a lounge bar...
I’m quite the looker... 😝😝 Or so the ladies on this forum have told me after seeing me. Hahaha... And honestly, there’s nothing controversial about my particular brand of madness.
Oh, certainly. Expect a complete circus in the chat... 😱😱😱 This is a psychology thread, after all. We’re all mentally unstable in our own special ways. Especially once you factor in the official diagnoses. 😝😝😝
It’s as if they just cooked up some nonsense out of thin air. Honestly, I couldn't even tell what the point was. It felt pointless. I might actually miss the lounge bar enough to consider leaving this forum for good; I rarely find myself commenting on threads anymore. Whatever. What is there to say? There is no need to try when I look this good and have fans stalking me constantly... 😝 But hey, I'll be seeing someone soon, so they can all keep dreaming. 😁
I would argue that roughly 80% of people—excluding immediate family, of course—simply aren't my intellectual equals when it comes to certain existential questions or general life insights. So, I suppose that is where I find myself... 😊
Joseph Bailey41 said:Unconventional, special, it’s all the same thing. From what you’ve shared, I get the impression you feel somewhat isolated from everyone else—like you’ve gone through things they haven't, which makes it hard to find any real connection. That’s a very common feeling for people dealing with trauma, and honestly, your family situation sounds pretty toxic.
There are therapists, counselors, shamans, healers... it doesn't really matter which path you take. What matters is finding someone who is truly ready to listen and understand without forcing their own opinions on you. At the end of the day, you're the only one who can discover your own purpose in life; nobody else can do that for you.
It seems to me that, for starters, you could really benefit from opening up to someone—just letting out all that negativity you're carrying around before you eventually hit a breaking point. It’s only logical that when you're in a state of rage, you aren't going to find much empathy. The tools you picked up during counseling are still with you and can help; the professional you worked with got you to a certain point, but they reached their limit. Now, it's time for someone else to step in. This continues until you learn how to manage your own emotions and frustrations, plan for your future, and build deeper connections. In short, until you learn how to actually live.
Perhaps one day when I actually have someone to talk to... But by the time that day arrives, it might already be too late. One never knows; you're here today and gone tomorrow... This has been breaking me down for quite some time now. I'm nearing the edge, and once I snap, who knows what happens next?
@ maystor, between working two jobs and keeping up with my college courses, I’m at a total loss for what else I could possibly do... I feel for those people, truly. But I have no intention of building my own success—or justifying my existence—on the foundation of someone else's misfortune. I try my best to avoid being that kind of person.
As for me, I’ve managed to reach a point where I can actually afford to show up late to work. Honestly? I just told them straight up that I lack the motivation—read: financial incentive—to commute nearly ninety minutes before my shift starts. So, there it is.
@leteca, I spent some time volunteering at a Red Cross counseling center once. It was great; I genuinely missed it. But eventually, I hit a plateau. I stopped showing any sign of progress, and that was that. Why would I assume I’m special? Maybe I'm unconventional, but "special"? Hardly.
@8472, am I really this dense that I can't even manage basic grammar? I have a few major ambitions—two or three big goals that I know would completely turn my life around... But as my mother likes to say, nothing grows in a field of dreams. At this point, I simply lack the will. I can't find it in anything. Work, people, romance... nothing feels fulfilling anymore.
@pjegavi poriluk, I'm not sure, perhaps because of the "things" I've written... I am not the type to believe solely in what is visible, so no. I don't subscribe to a purely materialistic worldview. Still, this entire existential phenomenon feels utterly senseless. What is the purpose of growth? I'm going to die regardless. Is the goal merely to live life with some semblance of spiritual maturity? Who knows.
@tox, like I mentioned, it's two jobs, college, and studying. I'm not sure if I can push my brain any further. Yesterday, I found myself standing outside a meeting after being gone for God knows how long. It's a shame I didn't get the chance to meet you; we probably crossed paths. But such is life. I agree with you, though—doesn't everything originate from within, from some deep part of oneself? :/
@nosonja, I think caricature turns into variation when you hit rock bottom. You reach that stage where you simply cannot go any lower, where you look in the mirror and can't even muster a facial expression you recognize—where you hate yourself enough that you're just completely done with the feeling. When you finally snap, it leads to either suicide or a total transformation. I have quite a few diagnoses; I'd have to check my medical records, but they all stemmed from an ecstasy overdose.
@radical, honestly, I'd love to leave. But what am I supposed to tell the doctor? "Hey, look, I'm not doing well and I'd like to speak with a professional"? I mean, I know what to say, but... I don't know. Generally speaking, I don't suffer from much shame, nor do I struggle with self-confidence regarding most things in life. This, however, is a reflection of a weak mind. Or something. It's embarrassing to admit.
I understand that everyone finds their own sense of meaning in certain things. As for me? I find it nowhere. 😞
To be honest, my head has never been in more complete disarray.. It’s always the same: my own pointless philosophies, these endless questions, this persistent dissatisfaction and sense of emptiness. Can we not simply escape this loop of meaningless mental noise?
Why is it like this? I would give anything to understand why, perhaps even more than all of you who sit here reading these quotes together...
But then again, at certain stages of life, one cannot help but question the very purpose of existence and the objective reality of our entire human species.
I have reached a literal rock bottom. Much like the Titanic sinking to the ocean floor, I have analyzed the issues that have plagued me for years—a long, grueling stretch of time that remains absolutely unchanged, offering no movement toward improvement.
As much as I loathe them, suicidal thoughts have never been more intense or more decisive in urging me toward such a selfish, repulsive act. And yet, I have never been more resolute in my serious contemplation of them.
Why? I don't know. Is the purpose of this life found in love, family, friends, a career, or merely the act of existing? Regardless of the answer, if the past and future are illusions, and nothing in the present truly lasts...
All this waiting, this perpetual anticipation, struggling through those moments where people tell you "it will get better" or "you just have to endure"... It is the same tired rhetoric passed down through generations. We feed ourselves these delusions just to cope, only to find that life was spent waiting for a "better" that never actually arrives.
And yes, I am aware that many of you have read my nonsensical posts, which likely push the boundaries of what a twenty-five-year-old should consider rational thought. I know you believe it is "okay" to feel lost, or that everyone asks these questions. I know the cliché: that I have only just begun to live and my whole life lies ahead of me. I understand all of it.
But what is the point of seeking purpose in something so fleeting? That is the rhetorical question behind everything I ask. Nothing brings me joy anymore; nothing provides any semblance of meaning to this expenditure of life. Perhaps life will repay my ingratitude, and perhaps some of you here will judge me for it—which is perfectly acceptable.
However, I cannot deny these thoughts and this discontent, nor can I pretend to be happy when I am not... I cannot grasp the point, the meaning, or the ultimate purpose of existence..
Is it to feel this miserable, this hollow, this fraudulent? To live in a state of constant hope, waiting for things to improve? We spend our lives waiting: starting school, finishing school, going to college, graduating, finding a job, leaving that job, starting a family, watching children become independent, waiting for grandchildren... We spend our entire lives waiting for something. Waiting for time to pass, waiting for a response from a person, an employer, a doctor, or waiting for an illness to subside. When I look objectively at the lives of others...
It feels as though we are merely waiting for life to pass so we can return to where we came from... I don't know what I want from life, but I know I don't want this. Not these thoughts, not these voices, not these feelings, and certainly not this damn, cursed fantasy that "it will get better" or "this too shall pass."
Things will pass, but it seems life is the only thing that truly passes.. How am I in such a state.. Ahhh
Nothing brings me joy or fulfillment anymore. Not work, not college, not love, not people, not material possessions. Absolutely nothing.. I feel nothing but a void filled with resentment and a profound lack of understanding.
Of course this happened once the relationship settled into a routine. Honestly, how old are you people? It’s clearly just who they are. Even someone I'm genuinely attracted to doesn't feel the need to constantly verbalize their feelings. If you can't accept that, then unfortunately, you're just wasting your time with him. Besides, there's a child involved, for heaven's sake...
Frankly, there is only one thing on my mind. Generally speaking, women seem to want it all—unending love and constant attention. In your younger years, you have the chance to find a guy who actually offers that, but then again, such a man becomes boring. So, you opt for the polar opposite: someone cold, distant, and so on. You spend your entire life with him, foolishly hoping he will eventually transform into the partner you could have had from the very beginning. It is a predictable cycle. And just like what I mentioned before, once the years pass and you realize you wasted your life on the wrong person, things fall apart. My parents were the same; they used to say the "bad boys" were much more interesting when we were younger. Why not simply tell him that you miss the affection or a kind word? It is quite straightforward. What is so logical about pining for something you knew from the start you would never receive? People only change because of illness, and unfortunately, it is rarely for the better.
No, not quite... Laughter neonscout42 caught me off guard there. I’m not trying to be some materialistic snob, mind you. 😁 I just want the freedom to live a decent life and travel with someone who shares my passion for seeing the world... I'm fully aware of everything else, thank you. 😊