263 posts shown.
Joseph Ramirez9 said:He’s not wrong. The real question is whether I can even start healing while I'm still stuck in this thing with her.
I have this nagging feeling that moving on with someone else would be way easier, but that’s just not what my heart is set on...
feralmason17 said:Generally speaking, it’s all just a bit of a wash...It’s honestly exhausting... even when the topics are completely trivial—like when Matt asks for basic advice on how to approach Anna—certain people on these forums suddenly transform into PhDs, clinical psychologists, and profound philosophers overnight. They start deploying this high-brow, academic vocabulary that Matt doesn't even recognize, let alone want to slog through, because all he really wants is a simple way to talk to her. Instead, they take his post and turn it into a full-blown character assassination, analyzing his entire personality, guessing which schools he attended, reading his birth chart, and trying to predict his entire future based on one sentence... ufff...
2) The concept of quasi-friendships... it’s a curious, somewhat unsettling phenomenon in modern American life. We drift through these social orbits, maintaining connections that feel substantial on the surface, yet lack any true structural integrity. It is a state of being perpetually "in touch" without ever truly being known. We exchange pleasantries, perhaps a few curated updates on social media, and maintain a polite veneer of interest. But when the weight of actual life settles in—the genuine crises, the quiet triumphs, the moments requiring true vulnerability—these shadows of companionship tend to evaporate. They are social placeholders, existing only within the comfortable confines of casual interaction. One wonders how much of our contemporary social fabric is woven from these hollow threads, providing the illusion of community while leaving us fundamentally isolated... It’s just how it works... if you happen to get caught up with even one member of that cult-like forum clique, the rest of them swarm you immediately... like flies on a pile of manure...
Carol Mitchell65 said:It’s quite peculiar... This individual, who hasn't uttered a single word since signing up, has suddenly decided to start weighing in on topics that have nothing to do with her... much less anything I've been posting about... I can't help but wonder where this sudden burst of interest came from...Is that really your attempt at a provocation, lady? You’re truly pathetic...
Adam Cooper16 said:So, here I am, constantly hovering around this forum... though, if I’m being honest, most of it feels like little more than a way to kill time...
It seems we have a certain breed of forum users who take themselves—and their debates—far too seriously, especially when the topics at hand are nothing more than trivial nonsense...
Walter Cox63 said:Honestly, nothing gets under my skin more than those massive walls of text. I mean, who actually sits down to read a post that goes on for miles... -.-
Raymond Walker5 said:To truly grasp what’s happening, you first have to understand human psychology, which—if we're being honest—is actually quite simple.
I don't really feel like diving into a massive deep dive right now (though I probably will eventually), but unfortunately, so many people never bother to build any actual character of their own. From a very young age, there's this deep-seated urge and necessity to belong to something. Because of that, people flock to all sorts of cliques and groups just to feel like they possess some inherent value or are part of something "bigger" than themselves.
So, you see some people joining extremist political factions, others joining a local pottery club, some diving headfirst into religion, and others signing up for a specific political party. They do all of this primarily so they can feel superior to everyone else by association. They base their entire self-worth on how much others validate them. If that external validation disappears, their whole ego just collapses into pure agony.
Of course, most people are conditioned from childhood to nurture social stereotypes and conformity. In our society, losing your innocence early—both socially and sexually—is often seen as a way to gain "status." You’re expected to be born, go through school, get a job, find a partner, reproduce, work, earn money, and then die. It’s almost like we're programmed like praying mantises; once the mating is done, the male is essentially expendable.
Society has trained us to accept a lot of nonsense as "normal," treating certain milestones as things that must be achieved at any cost. For instance, if you were in Japan and you lost your job or got laid off, you might feel like committing harakiri out of sheer shame, because to society, if you aren't materially useful or productive anymore, you basically cease to exist in your own eyes and everyone else's.
In other words, conformism is just an extended version of the herd mentality. Rising above it and saying "NO" to the status quo is incredibly difficult because most people suffer from a sort of "follower" mindset, easily swayed by either those with more power or simply by whoever happens to be in the majority.
Generally speaking, we live in a culture that believes the majority is always right, which is absolute nonsense. The majority is frequently quite foolish. Independent thought is rarely given any real value here.
A huge portion of the evil in this world stems from the fear of being cast out, which has led to people following ideologies and conforming to extremes for the sake of survival.
I know plenty of people from smaller towns in California who have told me straight up that if you haven't landed a career, found a spouse, and started a family by the time you hit 20, you're considered a total failure.
We are a primitive species that measures its worth through material success. When we fail to meet the arbitrary standards imposed on us by society, we view ourselves as failures.
One of the biggest absurdities was something like forcing young people to serve in the military—which, thank God, has been abolished—and framing it as a "duty." The idea that we owe anything to anyone simply because we were born is total idiocy, and we have to say NO to it if we ever want society to actually progress.
Early on in my life, I learned to expect absolutely nothing from anyone, and because of that, the close relationships I do have tend to be very healthy. I surround myself with intelligent people, people who are critical of society, empathetic toward the marginalized, and supportive of those whom society has rejected.
People ask, "Why do people give in to the pressure?" It's because they lack character. It's because they believe everything their parents or authority figures told them is the ultimate truth. People are trained like animals by religions, societies, and institutions using subtle blackmail and fears instilled from birth. If you won't behave, you'll be punished... if you don't have the latest sneakers, kids at school will mock you... if you don't get straight A's, you'll end up doing manual labor... if you don't serve your military term, you'll end up in prison... if you don't kiss up to your boss at work, you'll get fired... if you don't believe in religious nonsense, you'll go to hell... if you don't make a killing, you're a loser...
And that is how you create a deeply psychologically damaged society. Some will argue, "Well, that's just life; it's cruel and you have to fight to survive." They'll cling to that supposed "survival of the fittest" nonsense. But it's actually the exact opposite. It's like this because you all *decided* to make it this way and chose to make life difficult. Evolution doesn't care about the "stronger" individual surviving; if that were the case, the strong would just spend all their time devouring the weak. Evolution cares about moving forward, regardless of everything—even if it means moving forward without humans entirely. Life wouldn't fail if humans disappeared. We aren't the only ones on this planet, nor are we the center of the universe.
We’re still such an underdeveloped species, honestly. We constantly find ourselves expecting things from everyone else, yet we struggle to offer even a shred of positivity to ourselves, let alone to anyone else.
To build on what you were saying, here’s a pretty cliché example from my own life back when I used to go out more often. I had this friend who constantly expected me to get up and dance. But why on earth would I dance if I wasn't actually having fun? Why should I do something that doesn't suit me just to satisfy her specific idea of a "successful night out"?
We have this fundamental inability to accept that what works for us might be completely wrong for someone else. Just because it feels normal to us to wake up at 4 AM, commute three hours to work, pull twelve-hour shifts every single day including weekends, and essentially reduce our entire existence to mere survival—that doesn't mean it's normal for anyone else.
Personally, I don't believe that life has to be lived at any cost. Because of that, I certainly don't feel obligated to survive at any cost just to fuel those social structures that seem to crave nothing but self-sacrificing slaves. I don't see any reason to play along with anyone's conformist illusions; everything we've built around us is just an illusion that we can walk away from whenever we choose.
I lost the need to be accepted or loved by others a long time ago. In my younger years, that was my heaviest burden—this massive illusion that I actually needed to have friends, much less that I needed to cater to the whims of people who are even bigger idiots than I am.
By being born, we didn't sign some cosmic contract stating that we owe anything to anyone, least of all to people who blindly follow and suck up to every social norm and stereotype out there.
As Bukowski roughly put it: "I don't like people, nor do I want to be near them, but I need them just so I can eat." And that really is the only condition we should agree to: reducing our relationship with this unwanted social system to the bare minimum required to sustain us and provide the basic necessities of life with as little hassle as possible.
graniteeagle41 said:Why is there this obsession with attending every single social gathering?🤷 Years ago, I used to go to the local zoo with a friend every Sunday; I’d just buy two lollipops and we'd watch the monkeys. Every afternoon was perfect.
graniteeagle41 said:If you say they aren't all bad, then try engaging with those you actually get along with. Try motivating them toward activities that actually suit you. Invite someone somewhere where there's no alcohol or smoking—things that bother you—and lead by example to show them there's another way to have a good time.
graniteeagle41 said:Then change your environment. 🤷 What exactly is the problem here? What would you have done differently?
graniteeagle41 said:Where is this "must" coming from? You don't owe anyone anything. You simply say "no thanks" with a smile and stick to it. That goes for a single glass of sparkling cider, too. If you take even one, you risk people nitpicking you, saying, "Oh, look, they've been sipping that one glass all night." Just don't drink, and that's that. This happens constantly because groups lack any actual common ground for conversation, so they resort to being mindless. There are no shared interests; instead, everyone is just horny and looking for a hookup, using alcohol as a crutch to facilitate interaction (they'll just blame it on being drunk tomorrow, of course). Or, some people genuinely rely on alcohol just to tolerate their own existence.
Relationships work the same way—it is entirely a matter of personal choice and necessity.
I don't understand what is bothering you about this. Is it yourself, or the environment around you?